Electric Feel
by LillyMorgan
Summary: MCU Post-Ultron fic. How complicated can it get when the Avengers try to live under the same roof? Natasha's secrets are getting out as she and Steve get surprisingly chummy. Training the new Avengers is becoming an unexpected joy, but the fun is soon cut short as she finds herself breaking down, both physically and mentally. How long until Natasha's past comes back to haunt her?
1. Bones

_A/N: Hey I'm back, with a new fandom and everything! I'm on the verge of starting two new Avengers forum RP sites and I've had a burning muse for so many canons and certain plot lines that I decided to write my own fic as well._

 _Warning: I'm changing a few things about Natasha's past. Also, don't expect my portrayal of Natasha to be a complete carbon copy of herself in Age of Ultron. Her attitude is closer to what it was in Winter Soldier. We all know there is a lot of debate regarding her and a few other events in AoU's movie, especially considering some issues that have divided up the fandom. For this story, I just think the ending where she and Steve were put in charge of training some new Avengers created some great development potential for those two characters and I've always shipped them a little, which I think still works despite the events of Age of Ultron. Obviously, it goes without saying that this will have spoilers. Also, the rating is subject to change._

 _Please review and follow. Let me know what you think and I really hope you enjoy my story!_

* * *

"Clint came clean," he said in a tone that made her raise an eyebrow. Natasha refused to believe he was insinuating that she should have to come clean too. These were completely different circumstances, they were incomparable. He had to be joking.

"We had a deal, Fury. You're not answering my question," she answered him finally. He nodded.

"As promised, the correct files were all erased. There was no written record of it when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell." Natasha nodded, glad to hear there was no way some insurgent force could use that information against her and no trace of her secrets being known.

"And the operating team?" she asked as an afterthought.

"All perished when HYDRA took over."

"That's a shame," she said, not wanting to be cold about the death of a group of people who had agreed to keep her secret.

"Convenient for you," Fury said, though it seemed more of a question. She shook her head and stayed quiet. "Why? Looking to dive in already?"

"No," she answered him. "Just a shame. Maybe some time working with them wouldn't have been so bad."

"I'll have to advise against that, Natasha. You seem better off not digging, like you said you would be." Natasha just shrugged before nodding her head at him and leaving the room, the doors sliding shut behind her. As if on cue, Steve turned the corner walking towards her.

"You talking to Fury?" he asked casually. She thought he would be doing the same until she saw him stopping in his tracks and waiting for her to catch up to him. He'd been looking for her.

"Don't I always? I'm his 'fly on the wall', remember?"

"Don't be mad, Wanda was just kidding," he said, trying to be supportive. She liked his attempt at consoling the situation. It had been days ago in training that Wanda had pointed out aloud how loyal and obedient Natasha was with fury.

"I know. I'm not mad," she cracked a smile. "She doesn't exactly have the most clear sense of humor. I like that about her though. Reminds me of Ivan."

"Ivan?"

"An old friend," she explained away. It had been years since she felt the need to mention Ivan, she supposed the conversation with Fury brought him back in her thoughts. He sighed, seemingly relieved that she wasn't upset with Wanda. She had to admit she was amused that he was trying to reconcile for faults in the team that weren't there. That was Steve in a nutshell. He wanted everyone to get along and stay together. He was a soldier, not a spy. She wasn't sure any amount of her training him would kick that habit. Thinking on that briefly, she realized they didn't have any private training sessions that day. What did he want? "Who are you hiding from this time, Rogers?" It was a shot in the dark but the look on his face made it clear she'd hit the bull's eye.

"No one, why?" He kept his hands swinging on his sides, his shoulders very straight, far back, as if he were ready to solute. He was trying to look busy, urgent in his steps.

"You start looking too occupied and restless on purpose when you've had to turn someone down with your 'busy' excuse. Who asked you out? Glenn from Legal?" She wasn't really one for hiding her curiosity. Not with Cap, it was too fun watching him squirm.

"I just had to ask you something." When he started to sound frustrated that she didn't believe him, she knew she hit gold. She stopped walking, faced him directly and raised her eyebrows as she waited for him to continue. Stumbling on his words, he put on a look of determination that would have been easy to believe if he hadn't been trying so hard. "What color are you thinking for the new uniforms?" It was usually more difficult to get Natasha to crack a smile, but Steve managed to crack one here and there, like most of the Avengers did. He sighed and looked defeated when she smiled so widely at him. He'd failed to convince her, which only emphasized how necessary it was that she teach him how to be a better spy. "We need to do more training," he said, voicing his thoughts out loud.

"We do," she agreed. "I'm heading up to the Shed for a bite to eat."

"It's getting late," he admitted. "I'll go tell the others to head up soon and join you. They'll need their rest. We've got that long day ahead."

"Don't tell them," she reminded him, thinking that was all that needed to be said. Steve knew by now just to ask for an explanation even if she didn't think there needed to be one.

"Why?" he asked before she could turn away.

"They're training. We've told them tomorrow would be a big day. This is where they get to make a choice. Either they get the rest or they learn the hard way." Steve frowned so she gave him so more detail. "Tony promised he'd be keeping an eye on things for these first few weeks." She tried not to mention it was another apology from him. He'd been doing a lot of indirect apologies lately, and she made sure to enjoy every single one. "This is the only chance we'll get at tough love before the real job begins."

Steve understood her meaning. He recalled the rules of the military. When the lights went out, you could stay awake if you wanted but it would only be to your detriment. If the food was nasty, you ate it anyway because you knew you needed to eat and regain energy. There was opportunity to rebel, sure, but this way you learned quickly that your choices would affect you. It was their best option. He gave her a resolute nod before walking away.

Natasha normally didn't allow her face to rest in a smile, it made people think she was too nice and honestly she never really found much a reason to be so amused but there was this good feeling for her these days. It was this calm after a disaster, a resting period. Things were working out just fine in her work. She and Steve got along well enough that the arguments were down to a minimum, but as friends there was a warmth in the connection that came with working together. They decided they would be equals too, so she never tired of the instructions he gave her or the orders she gave because they were never one-sided. Sure, it meant some disagreements but in all it meant that everything was a conversation rather than a cold, hard mission. She never thought she'd like an equal partnership but it was growing on her.

She knew things would change if the Avengers found out about all of her secrets. Steve had said it himself before, it is hard to trust someone you hardly even know. She had to hope Fury would keep his word about hiding the truth.

* * *

 _Next chapter coming soon. Please let me know what you think. Please review and follow! I've got a lot more coming._


	2. Dark Eyes

_Sam wasn't supposed to have such a huge presence in this chapter, but let's just call this a fluff chapter. It does have a few important details. I just didn't want to cut the scene down because I thought this was too fun to write just to have to erase it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did._

 _Reviews are love and good karma! Thank you to my follows, faves and review. ^^_

* * *

The elevator doors shut before her and she waited until she arrived at the Shed, eager to return to her new home. For once, she used 'home' to describe her quarters. Maybe it was just a matter of sticking it to Tony. On the subject of his many silent apologies, he'd footed the bill to create a living quarters for the Avengers. Steve had been hoping more for a simple set up or something, maybe minor decoration just to reward their efforts. Instead, they had something like a luxury apartment, full of gadgets even Sam had to take a few hours to figure out. Sam and Rhodey definitely got a kick out of discovering all of the features in their new home.

Natasha had to struggle to get Steve to stop rolling his eyes every time he found something. That first night, they really all spent most of their time musing on their new home. It was certainly fun, compared to a sleepover by Steve who thought of the times he and Bucky bunked over at each other's houses. Of course, calling it a sleepover only got him laughed at. It was a night of laughs for them, and they grew a bit close. She saw how Wanda had to hide her excitement when Sam explained to her how to play one of the few video games Tony had left them. It was nice to see her amused, especially with how much of a struggle it was to get her to pay attention.

Things weren't going so well for Wanda lately. Losing Pietro had really changed something in her. Natasha couldn't imagine losing a twin, she could hardly even imagine losing family the way Wanda did. Still, things only seemed to get even more hopeless when they had the body taken from them. It was only hours after Clint had left Pietro's body, having followed him from the helicarrier to the attending doctors who were to pronounce him dead. Somewhere in the time he was away, Pietro's body had been taken. They were sure he hadn't walked away. There were signs of a struggle and a nurse was shot on-site, along with evidence of the enhanced man's body being dragged away.

There were no leads on who took the fallen one-day Avenger, but it wasn't a case that would be dropped very soon. Not on Clint's watch. Natasha promised to check up on that case whenever she could, and it was hard not to look at Wanda a little differently each time she did. The more she learned, the more she saw that Pietro and his sister had been very close. To lose someone and then be robbed of a last good bye, robbed of any closure-

The Avengers came to mind. Fury too. Maria. Thoughts of Coulson's passing. Natasha couldn't bear the thought of losing anyone else like that. She would need the peace of a final goodbye to keep from going rabid.

Not liking the dark turn of her thoughts as she arrived at the Shed, she exited the small space and leaned against the wall in the hall, trying to calm herself down. An "Avengers Mansion" sign labeling the floor was covered with a piece of paper written on in black marker.

" _ **THE SHED**_ "

Natasha smiled. She and Rhodey named it that when Tony showed them the apartment. He had clearly gone out of his way to make the place as lavish as he could, but he had yet to say the words 'I'm sorry' so she and his best friend went out of their way to ruin his fun. They called the place a shed, making comments as if it was small, unaccommodating and cheap. It certainly got a few pouts out of the grown man so she knew she certainly appreciated the gimmick. The name stuck, even with Steve (though in his case, it was more in an effort to avoid calling the home a mansion).

Taking a deep breath, she turned to the wall and typed in a few settings on the panel. One of her favorite features in the house had to be the stereo. She hadn't always been one for music, but ever since the battle in Seoul, she needed a way to de-stress. Her thoughts raced too much sometimes now, especially when she was alone. Looking into a classical selection that tended to keep her distracted, Natasha clicked "Variations on Dark Eyes" and put it to play in the kitchen. She didn't know if she was alone, so she tried to keep the volume fair. She went and started pulling food out of the fridge, instantly entertained by the song.

Just when she found herself wondering what she could do with the food she had pulled out, she heard the new blasting sound and a few words she had to make out through the music, trying to understand the sudden switch.

 ** _"Just because it's the middle of the night-"_** Pharrell Williams.

"SAM!" she called out to the jokester shedmate of hers, knowing he was behind this. He entered the kitchen snickering before trying to force down his smile as the song continued to blare.

"Hey, Natasha," he greeted her casually, a slight smirk on his face.

"I was listening to that," she complained.

"Oh, the really depressing violin sob story going on? You were listening to that?"

"Yes," she answered him, still amused.

"Oh, you're welcome then. I am enlightening your musical tastes." She chuckled. He nodded to the food on the counter behind her. "I thought you couldn't cook."

"Still can't. I was hoping if I just throw everything in a pan, I might make something," she admitted. In all honesty, she was ready to eat something uncooked. She was never really picky about food.

"Alright, enough of that." He said, leaving his side of the counter and joining her at her side. "Step aside, Black Widow." He pointed at her with a wooden spoon. "Tonight, the master becomes the student. I am going to teach you how to make-" He looked at the ingredients on the counter. There really was no combination of this food that would make something edible. "You aren't kidding, you can't cook." He pulled out a few eggs and decided he'd make do with teaching her how to make an omelette. While she tried to crack her first egg, he noticed that she was bobbing her head and laughed. "Are you dancing?"

Immediately, she straightened up. "I don't dance, I've never danced," she answered stiffly. He laughed but her thoughts started rushing. In her mind, she couldn't remember if that was a lie or true at all. There was a memory of ballet class, a room of mirrors, the memory sporadically interrupted by the sound of fists landing on flesh. The groans and grunts of hits caught, she gripped the table as she tried to separate the thoughts. She couldn't remember what was real or not and she closed her eyes and gripped the counter's edge when she felt herself losing her balance. Tossing her a long stare, Sam immediately reacted, raising his voice.

"Natasha?" Nothing, she stayed there trying to make her head stop spinning. "Natasha," he said louder, making her turn her head. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Well, you don't look it. Come on," he pulled out a seat for her and she resisted his help getting into it. He knew from Steve that she typically didn't like to accept help when she thought she was okay, so he knew to let it go. "Just sit tight. You can watch this time, and I'll let you try it next time. Okay?" She nodded, taking his offer. He obviously knew she wasn't even thinking about the cooking but he certainly wasn't pushing answers. "Cap told me the doctors told you to take it easy," he said after a minute. "You've got to get some rest. You've got a lot of injuries. I get that you guys are the Avengers but a spine injury is nothing to walk off."

Natasha tried to focus on his words and pull them to the forefront of her thoughts. He was referring to the one of many injuries she received in Seoul. It had been maybe a week now since it happened. He was right, she would have to rest it off. Maybe the injuries weren't exactly something she was worried about, but she could still feel the mental and physical exhaustion of having been in such a great battle. Resting was hard for her these days, though. Resting gave her so much time to think. There were too many things she couldn't keep thinking about.

"We're not all enhanced super soldiers," he continued. She resisted a face as he mentioned exactly what she was trying not to think of.

"Yeah," she answered with a forced chuckle, wanting to change the subject. "Where did you learn to cook?" Sam told her this sweet story about his mother, an amazing cook and baker who apparently made the best cookies on Earth.

"You know, when I told her I would be coming to training for the Avengers she wanted me to bring in cookies. She made them and packed them before they moved her. The decorations were all Avengers-themed. The box was even marked, as if I'd forget who they were for. She made me promise to bring them in." Natasha smiled and laughed with him.

"What did you do with them?"

"They are in the fridge. I've convinced everyone Rhodes bought them. I don't know how long until he gets back at me for that."

"Watch your back," she warned with a smile as the others arrived suddenly and together. They saw Rhodey, walking in front of Wanda and Vision who were following him and taking turns asking question. Rhodes didn't look pleased at all. Wanda was immediately silenced by the smell of food and she began to eat while Vision went to sit outside as he sometimes did to stare at the view. Rhodes started speaking with Natasha and Sam, which she was grateful for since it pulled attention away from her slip up earlier.

"Is it starting to feel like a dorm for you yet?" Rhodes asked Natasha. Sam agreed immediately, making some joke about a roommate he had or something. Romanoff, however, just stayed with a confused, questioning look on her face. They didn't understand what she was missing.

"Dorm?"

"A dorm? With roommates?" Rhodes tried before finally trying to explain in full. At some point, it finally clicked.

"Oh, so that's a college thing right?" she blurted out. Rhodes laughed and Sam just stared at her, baffled.

"Sometimes, I forget we've led very different lives," he told her.

"Careful, Sam, get any more serious and Rhodes might have to look for a new role on this team," she joked. "He already brought us homemade cookies." She sent Sam a wink while Rhodes immediately began defending himself, only to be interrupted when Steve entered.

"Do I smell omelettes?" he remarked, amused. "It's past dinner time. Why are you cooking breakfast?" Sam gave him a blank stare.

"You've never had breakfast for dinner?"

"Be nice, Wilson, we have to be easy on the old-timers," Natasha interjected just to ensured a disapproving glare for herself.

"Sit, Rogers," Sam ordered stiffly, immediately pulling out more food. The smile on his face made it clear that this was a dream of his. Schooling both of his trainers in one day. "And wait so that I may culturally educate you into the 21st century with one meal. Now, where is the pancake mix?" Natasha heard Wanda laugh and tried to resist turning to see her. It was nice to hear something good happening here. Wanting nothing more than for the happy moment to continue, she got out of her seat and helped Rhodey and Sam find their ingredients. It was Vision in the end, newly returned from his meditation outside, who finally found the elusive box, getting him a laugh from everyone and a pat on the back from the others and a smile from Steve to console his confusion.

* * *

 _I couldn't help the cartoon show reference there with Sam's mother. Hope you enjoyed this! Reviews are love and I really appreciate them. :)_


	3. Start Running

This would have been up so much earlier if it hadn't been such a distracting day. The second half of this part will be up soon!

* * *

At some point after dinner, the team grew sluggish fast. Steve quickly blamed the pancakes, but he clearly wasn't so disgruntled. They sat around the living room and slowly each of them turned in to go rest, referencing the big day the next morning. The last three remaining were Natasha, Steve and Vision, who didn't seem to sleep but ended up mentioning something he wanted to go think about after a while. He left and after a short silence, Steve spoke up. "That guy ever make you feel," he couldn't find the right word, "I don't know."

"Lazy? Yes. Every time," she answered him before they both started laughing. "He thinks and meditates and reflects so much I always feel like I'm missing something. He makes even you look careless, which is saying something." After one more laugh, they sat there in a comfortable silence, both too tired to do anything but too awake to go to sleep. "Aren't you proud though? They all went to sleep at a good hour to get ready for tomorrow and you didn't even have to tell them to." Steve smiled at her, letting his back sink further into the couch back. There was an even longer comfortable silence as they watched the movie on the TV. She couldn't even remember the name of this movie, but she gave each of the characters new names depending on the way they looked or how whiny their characters were.

"Who's Ivan?" Steve asked suddenly. With a confused _hmm_ , she pulled her eyes off of the screen to look at him. "Ivan, the friend you mentioned earlier."

"Oh," she immediately made choices on what she would or wouldn't say. "He took me in when I was a kid, he was the closest thing I had to family. When I defected from the KGB, he did too but he passed away really soon after." He stared at her for a minute, surprised she'd answered him on something so personal. It wasn't much, but it was plenty from her. She was normally not so forthcoming. Just when he was about to ask another question, try for more, he stopped to yawn and she stood up immediately.

"I should get some rest," she excused herself. "You should too, by the sounds of it. Night, Captain." She gave him a joking salute, to which he only raised an eyebrow. Steve took her advice and was soon in his room, sound asleep. Meanwhile, Natasha lay awake in her bed thinking of Ivan and how her memories jumbled even in thoughts of him, thoughts that weren't mixed or confused. They were vivid and true and she still struggled handling them.

Soon enough, she was asleep. Her dream was lucid and deep but she woke up from her sleep anyway, feeling too hot. Sometimes, when she woke like this it took nothing but pulling off her blanket to soothe herself and let her return to sleep. This time, though, something was different. She saw a woman standing over her with a needle, telling her to stand still. There were nurses around her. There was a weight on her chest keeping her down. She felt as though she was strapped down but somehow she was also still in her room at the Avengers Mansion. The walls behind these women were those that belonged to her new home. The faces were all familiar to her.

These women were from the Red Room. It wasn't possible, but she was seeing it with her own eyes. She struggled to move but everything failed her. She spoke and yet no sound was coming out and though she commanded her lips to move, there were no sounds. Had she lost her voice or was she still not moving? More than everything she wanted to attack these people standing around her, but her body wouldn't move. She was immobile. What had they done? She screamed, struggling to make noise, alert her team. She called out first for Steve, inexplicably. When no one came and the needle came closer to her, she called for her team, for anyone to help her.

After a few minutes of total horror, she could finally move and she got straight up out of her bed, swinging at the people around her. Her arms never hit anything. The people were gone, vanished in the wind but the memory of them was fresh. She could almost hear their voices again, calling for her to stay calm. She cried out a little in struggling to land a blow on anyone but her hands weren't grabbing anything. The room was empty.

 _What?_

Though Natasha's first plan was to go back to sleep, it was not long before she decided against staying still and began going out into the hall, trying to find the closest room. She knew Vision was around this floor somewhere and she was coming to the conclusion that he didn't ever sleep. Maybe he could call someone. She wasn't feeling so good.

That was her last thought before she passed out. Unbeknownst to her, she couldn't even make it to the door. Her tiredness took over. Just a few feet from Vision's room, she fainted. They didn't find her until very early morning, as the man went out to watch the sunrise at dawn only to find the spy sitting on the ground, her top half leaned against the wall and her whole body motionless. He'd tried to shake her awake a few times, calling her name out at her, but it didn't work. Eventually, he decided it wasn't a problem he could fix and moved to get up before realizing the rest of the team had already joined him at his side.

The only one missing was Wanda, who knew better by now than to try anything herself, and immediately departed to wake Steve up. Her powers weren't totally in control. She knew how to use them offensively, yes. Using them for the best reasons was still a new art for her. She figured there was a chance she could get in Natasha's head and see if she had anything to say but she didn't want to tempt fate in case anything should go wrong. After the incident with Ultron, she felt as though she was walking on thin ice with this team, still proving herself. She couldn't afford to mess up.

Unlike Wanda, Rhodey and Sam were still a few minutes from the same conclusion of letting Steve be the one to handle it. They stood these just wondering if Vision could somehow wake her up. Sam took her pulse and Rhodey put a hand at Vision's shoulder to get him to pull back for a moment so they didn't crowd her. It wasn't long before Steve raced to their side.

There was certainly something very wrong in the way Natasha was just lying there. Having found her at her worst before, Steve knew to expect her kicking and fighting whatever weakness, illness or injury that struck her, like it was more annoying to her than it was painful. She hated needing help, she hated being hurt and she hated conceding to pain. However, this time she was just unconscious, given into whatever had taken her over so terribly she didn't even have the time to lie herself down comfortably. No one had dared move her from her spot on the wall.

Taking her pulse too and giving her a long stare, he told them to call the elevator and gracefully picked her up into his arms. While the doors were still open, he looked at his team, clearly as affected by this sight as he was. Natasha was typically a very difficult person to hurt. She never really showed weakness, both an impressive and also confusing trait of hers. It was difficult for even Steve to see her like this, but clearly the others were impacted to. This was one of their trainers and leaders. It was startling and disarming. He knew he had to say something to make them get back to normal so he wouldn't have to worry. Clearing his throat, he gave them their orders.

"She'll be fine. Training will go on as scheduled. Get ready and don't forget to suit up," he told them, offering a supportive smile as the doors closed and they nodded before moving to follow his orders.

* * *

Promise to have more up soon! Just wanted to get this first half up, since my laptop is acting up on me. Reviews are so very appreciated (and they're good karma!).


	4. Don't Stop Me

Natasha immediately cried out when her eyes snapped open to this bright white light above her. "What the hell?" she groaned, rubbing her eyes. Her room wasn't this bright. She tensed suddenly and then felt a needle in her arm. Looking, she saw it was hooked to an IV. Immediately, she believed the terrible dream of the Red Room was real and they had gotten to her before she could resist. Crying out, she struggled and immediately went to pull out the needle and fight her way out when she saw a hand caught her hand as quickly as she moved it.

It was Steve, looking a bit ruffled up and confused. Immediately, she sighed out, dipping her head back against her pillow trying to catch her breath again after her panic. "It's just me, Natasha," he told her as she nodded rapidly.

"I know, I know. I just- I had the worst dream. I panicked," she wiped at her forehead with her other arm. He released her hand after placing it back at her side.

"Did it involve passing out in the hallway? Because that happened," he informed her, clearly still concerned.

"I, what?" She stared him in the eyes, knowing his tells when he was lying. He was deadly serious. "How did that happen?"

"You passed out in front of Vision's room. He found you there, along with the rest of the team. No one could get you to wake up." Steve almost slipped and mentioned how worried they all were but kept silent, knowing Natasha wouldn't appreciate it. She could read the fear on his face. She gave him a sly smile.

"Is Captain America pouting over little old me?" she asked. She always made fun of him. Her voice sounded judgmental but the smile on her face told him she appreciated it. That's all he needed. He playfully glared at her before looking down at the ground. "You could have just dropped me off. No need to break your schedule, you know." She was being honest. She could handle herself.

"We're teammates," he told her as if it proved her wrong. Natasha gave him a look. She was about to make fun of him but the sincerity in his eyes silenced her. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like to be him. He cared so much about everyone, it almost pained her to think of how much that must cost him. It seemed like an awfully exhausting life already, yet he was always the one to go above and beyond in anything he did. She wondered if that was just the super serum in him.

"Well-" Natasha was cut off by the doctor as he entered.

"So Miss Romanoff, what's the last thing you remember?" Natasha struggled to recall, casting a glance at Steve and feeling nervous about speaking in front of him about this. She masked her hesitance well.

"I woke up because I felt too hot, but when I tried to move I couldn't get up. I saw people in my room, it was like some twisted nightmare but I was awake and I couldn't move. I screamed for help a thousand times but I don't know if I was making any sound. It felt like forever until I could move again and once I got out of bed, I couldn't see those people anymore. I remember going out to look for help after, but that's it."

"Did anyone hear her calling, Captain Rogers?" Steve shook his head.

"No, Vision was right next door and he couldn't hear anything." Natasha's eyes widened. Vision had very freakishly strong hearing, there was no way she was yelling if he didn't hear it.

"Just what I thought. This is the easy part, Miss Romanoff. You were experiencing sleep paralysis. It happens all the time, it just means the part of your brain that makes sure you stay still even when you're dreaming kept working though you were awake. It usually doesn't mean anything serious. It can easily be a result of a bad habit during sleep." She nodded, waiting for him to continue. "The next part is more serious. Would you like to speak in private?" he asked, not daring a glance at Steve after asking. She shook her head, against her better judgment. "Well, you came in for an X-Ray of your spine just yesterday and we got the images. It seems that your slipped disc and spine fractures have healed almost dangerously fast. The sort of healing ability it would take to accomplish this is almost-"

"Fury gave me an experimental medicine after Seoul," she explained away quickly. It was a lie, but she didn't want the doctor to keep speculating. Especially not in front of Steve. Steve focused his eyes on the back of the doctor's head, knowing full well he was standing with Natasha as she got back and he never saw or heard about this medication.

"While your injuries are disappearing, though, your weight has gone down significantly. Have you not been eating enough these past few days?"

"She's eating. The team's been eating together for most meals," Steve pitched in. "I saw what she ate just last night, her appetite seems fine."

"Then I guess we found the first side effect for this drug. We've had to provide extra nutrients in your IV, above the average amount. Your body reacts to food now as if it's starving. It was on the verge of surviving on fat when you arrived here." Natasha listened to the doctor carefully, unsure. "That's most likely why you passed out. Your body has been spending so much energy on healing these wounds so quickly that it left nothing for you to survive on. Your blood sugar was dangerously low. You're going to need to almost triple your intake of food, at least until you're done healing. I've never seen anything like it."

"Is that all?" she asked, still digesting how she was supposed to eat that much food.

"You'll have to take it easy, too, Miss Romanoff. The other doctor on call has suggested keeping you on wheelchair and IV until the healing is ove-"

"No. What else?" The doctor was ready to argue back, sneaking a panicked glance at Steve. The blond man could only shake his head in warning. Natasha wasn't going to budge on that even if everyone in the entire building were to get on their knees and beg. She'd refuse. The doctor nodded and tried another suggestion.

"Then we'll have a talk with the team's dietician. They'll have a plan and we'll have to suggest you find ways to better your appetite and allow your body to heal. That also means there will be need for mandatory resting periods in your day. We'll have to keep you-"

"Not overnight. Please, you're killing me here, doc," she pleaded harshly.

"You're going to need more supervision, constant supervision," the doctor continued. The strained look on her face made Steve feel compelled to help her though he really agreed with the doctor. She wasn't taking it easy like she promised she would. Sighing out, he spat out a suggestion he knew she would prefer over the doctor's.

"The team can watch her," he offered. Somehow, her expression changed in a way he couldn't read.

"At least through the afternoon, then," the doctor continued. "We'll need to finish running tests. I've never seen anything like it - I'll be sure to send word to Director Fury about-"

"Don't bother, I'm here," said the director, entering the room. "Cap, your team is waiting for you in the training room." Steve nodded, giving Natasha a quick glance before making his way out.

* * *

Upon approaching the training room, Steve saw Maria Hill and immediately called her over. "I know you're busy but I need your help." He brought her into the training room, knowing full well if he stayed at the training session, he'd miss every clue Natasha and Fury could give him. He needed to be back in that hospital room as soon as possible. When Steve arrived at the training room, he kept his speech short. "Good news, Natasha is fine. There's a change of plans. We're skipping the simulation today. We're focusing on stamina training. You guys will be sparring with each other for as many tournaments as it takes to finish off the day."

"What do we get if we win the most tournaments?" Sam asked. Steve knew it was a joke but he decided he'd play along.

"How about unquestioned control of the main stereo for the next week? Agent Hill's in charge. Don't kill each other." With that he left, knowing full well that Maria was wishing death on him in that moment for not running the idea by her first. He raced back to the medical room as fast as he could.

* * *

"So what are you going to do?" Fury asked hesitantly after she finished explaining the situation. He knew he probably wasn't going to like the answer.

"We need to bring in a new team or this is going to get worse."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"What'd I miss?" Steve asked, making it back to the room in record time. Natasha raised her eyebrows at him as the director replied.

"Pigs fly and Romanoff has consented to medical supervision," he glared in Natasha's direction before walking out. "I'll make the arrangements," he called back as the doors shut behind him. Now Steve wasn't sure what to believe.

* * *

 _Update as promised. Please review, I'd love to hear what readers are thinking. Also hey, let's play a guessing game! In the next few chapters, I will be introducing a select few characters from Agents of Shield. Wild guess as to who, anyone?_


	5. Meeting FitzSimmons

"Nice seeing you," Fury spoke to the projection across from him.

"Wish I could say the same, there's not a lot of time I can spare here," he spoke back. His face, often mistaken for friendly, had a coldness in his eyes that made it clear to the director that he still wasn't in the greatest mood. "Welcome to the club, by the way. What has it been like for you, being dead too?"

"Boring, mostly. Good news though, we already have a plan for the team to see you again. We just need to plan their discovery of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s standing existence carefully. It might be too soon for them. What's your status on the latest objective?"

"I've found you the most discreet team members I'm sure I can trust, like you asked. Dr. Andrew Garner, FitzSimmons and one of the women who worked on the T.A.H.I.T.I. project."

"I asked for four doctors," he said, feeling as though there was a count missing.

"FitzSimmons are two people. They were the bio-chem and tech experts you asked for."

"Right," he answered, remembering the time he pulled them out of the water when he heard their distress signal. "So they agreed to participate?"

"Are you kidding? They agreed as soon as I said 'Avengers'. They're still placing bet on who needs them."

"Be sure they will all keep quiet about S.H.I.E.L.D. Debrief them on the file I sent you."

"About that file, how am I supposed to debrief them on the file when it says here Romanoff isn't supposed to know it exists? Won't it be better if they're given that information when they arrive?"

Sighing out, Fury knew Coulson had a point. "Okay, but we don't have a lot of time. Burn that file immediately. Make sure they're in top shape. They'll need to hit the ground running." With an exchange of nods and good wishes, Coulson was gone and Fury was left thinking on whether this would turn out the way they were hoping. There could only be good in figuring out what was going on with Natasha, he reassured himself before moving on to his next profile. He could only hope Natasha wouldn't hear that he kept a private file on her until the time was right.

* * *

The next morning, Natasha reported to the new medical wing formed solely for this project. It seemed the floor had been an incomplete project of Tony's, as it had still been in construction for a different purpose. It didn't seem to take long in remodeling. For now, though, it looked enough like the medical wing. She was told she would be meeting the team of four but eventually she was corrected, told to go meet the first set of doctors in their new quarters, situated on the other half of the same floor. Assuming they were expecting her, she wandered down the hall without hesitation. It was in that way that she overheard a conversation she hadn't intended to snoop on.

"Oh, Fitz, don't be a sore loser," she heard the woman's voice first.

"I am not being a sore loser. They told us we were coming in for one of the Avengers, fine. They should definitely have warned us that the Avenger was going to be the most terrifying, Jemma. Even Banner would have been slightly less looming. They're telling us on the spot like this that we have some project on one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s favorite spies, obviously there's something to be afraid of."

"Fitz, she's one of the good guys," the woman clarified before catching sight of Natasha. She put up a hand to make him stop.

"Yes, but she's the only spy," he reminded her as he began turning. "The press doesn't know a single thing about her, either. And she's the only one of the good guys that served for the KGB, I'll remind you-" He was dead quiet when he caught sight of her.

"Not just the KGB," Natasha noted aloud, wanting to break the silence. "You'll find that out soon enough so I thought I'd break the ice."

"Agent Romanoff," Jemma started immediately. It sounded like it was going to be an apology, so she just raised a hand and shook her head.

"I've heard worse, you know," she reminded them, before clearing her throat and moving to the other side of the counter to give them more room. She was pretty sure if she came too close, the man would jump out of his skin. "If it's the secrets that are worrying you, then this project might be a good thing for all of us. You can call me Natasha, by the way," she said, heading over to the kitchen area in their apartment. This floor was almost as nice as the Avengers Mansion levels, just slightly less decorative. Opening their fridge to find something to snack on, as the doctor ordered, she pursed her lips when she found it empty. "You'll have to remind the office to fill this. How are you finding the place?"

"I-It's nice," she heard him reply. "What is this project we're working on?"

"In short, me," she said, giving up on the pantry when she saw that it was empty of most edible products. She had to settle for grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl on the kitchen island. "There's been a crooked series of events going on lately concerning my health, physical and mental, obstructing the work we're doing here and I've decided it needs to get taken care of."

"Why would they call us in for a health issue? We're biochem and tech engineers," Jemma started.

"Among the ongoing signs of symptoms, one includes the fact that I've been healing inexplicably. In the week since the incident in Seoul, I have almost completely healed spine fractures and a slipped disk-"

"That's not possible," Fitz cut her off immediately. "Those take months, sometimes years to heal."

"And as we all know, superhuman healing isn't exactly one of my talents. That's what you're here for. There's a lot about the situation you don't know yet and Fury will be in to brief you with your new head, but I wanted to meet everyone in person before the experiment begins."

"And what work is it that's so important?" Fitz started. His boldness was not so fearless, she could see his foot tapping nervously and his weight shifting constantly. It was still a brave thing to ask. It couldn't hurt to tell him. They'd be here at least a month, according to Fury, and by then they'd be public. Besides, if they said anything, the director would have their heads.

"Captain Rogers and I are in the middle of training new Avengers." The shock on their faces was not only satisfying, but made it clear she'd proved her point. "There's no time for any faltering. We need everyone's hands on deck to get this over with as fast as possible." They both nodded immediately. Natasha wanted to end the uncomfortable silence with a joke but she knew there was something else to cover. "There will be four of you," she reminded them. "Other than your coworkers on this floor, no one else can know what you are here for. Not even the other Avengers. No matter who asks. Outside of this team, Fury and I are the only ones with the clearance for this. Understood?" They nodded again. "Good."

After a moment, Jemma excused herself to find a phone to call down to the office with so Natasha could walk her through the numbers. Usually the spy let someone else take care of these details, but if these people were going to be poking at her brain so soon she would rather know something about them first. She never thought being alone with Fitz would spur him into an apology, but as soon as he started she only shook her head and smiled. "It's forgotten. There's really no time for holding grudges now." He nodded again, before looking behind her with wide eyes. Turning, she saw Steve heading in their direction, looking around curiously. He had a sack in his hand, which she figured had to be full of food or something. When their teammates failed to convince her to eat on command, he tended to take over like the worrying mother hen she was starting to see him as.

Maybe the assessment was unfair, but this worrying really was getting on her nerves, even if he just wanted her to follow the doctor's orders.

"Rogers," she greeted stiffly.

"Romanoff," he greeted back, knowing by now that he would have to react to her hostility with equal hostility if he wanted to get her to listen to him. "What is this place?"

"My new medical team's living quarters. Meet Doctor Leopold Fitz-"

"F-Fitz is fine," he said, trying to extend a hand. "And y-you're-" He was clearly starstruck. If Natasha weren't trying to be nice, she would have made fun of his reaction to seeing Captain America. She could without a doubt figure that Steve was his favorite Avenger. Steve, however, wasn't so great with dealing with fans. He tried to smile politely and shake his hand, clearly still unsure of what to do.

"He's a big fan," Natasha teased Steve rather than the doctor. Snapping out of his own hesitance, Steve tried at a joke.

"He's already a standout to me. Most of the time, doctors and scientists ask for a sample of my blood before they introduce themselves." That broke the ice more quickly than she had expected. Immediately, it seemed as though something had cracked the tension and Fitz laughed with the soldier. Natasha couldn't help but give Steve a confused look, wondering to herself how he always managed to say the right thing with people, even the most awkward ones.

"Most like to believe they can prove something themselves even when everyone's tried it."

"That they do. And you're not one of them?"

"I'd love to find out but it doesn't mean that I think I'm the one for that job. However, Dr. Simmons, my partner, might be the right fit."

"So, what is this floor for anyway?" Steve asked. Natasha gave Fitz a glare and mouthed the word 'lie' to him before turning back to her partner.

"Well, we just got here but it seems the sum of it is we suspect there might have been a problem with radiation exposure, probably from Seoul. And that's what we're here for. She'll probably be fine. We just need to run tests." He was making every part of this up and he couldn't even tell if it was good or not.

"So the theory is that radiation is making her heal this quickly? That's crazy," he said, looking down at the spy who was avoiding his eyes. He wondered if that made things anymore serious than they already were.

"Yeah, crazy," he echoed. As if saved by the bell, Jemma returned to the room. She was staring down at the phone when she caught sight of the uniformed super-soldier Avenger in the room. She was obviously startled, though her own hesitance came in a rambling.

"Captain Rogers," she greeted nervously. "I didn't know you would be participating in this. Are you supposed to be here?" It sounded rude, but clearly she was too stunned to hear what she was saying and he wasn't one to hold timid nerves against someone like that.

"No, just passing through. Nice to meet you, you must be Dr. Simmons," he shook her hand before turning to the spy next to him. "Ready to go, Natasha?" he asked, hoping to get her eating sooner rather than later.

"Yeah," she said finally. "There's a training session I'm missing. Fury will be here soon with the rest of the team. I'll see you both later," she reassured the other two with a small smile. "It was nice meeting you." It was not long until she and Captain were in the hallway and he was already demanding that she start feeding on the many protein bars he'd packed for the day. She couldn't wait until he was revoked of his supervising responsibility. She couldn't handle another day of 'Nurse Rogers' at her side, that was for sure.

* * *

"This mission better be worth it, Simmons," Fitz complained as they unpacked. "I just had to lie to Captain America. I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Fitz, you are overreacting," she answered, putting a hand at his shoulder and willing him to calm down.

* * *

 _So, so tired but I wanted to get another chapter in before the holiday. Reviews are love._


	6. Necessary

_A/N: I just wanted to give my reviewers a huge shout out here! I actually didn't even plan on posting a new chapter today over the holiday but seeing so many answers made my day and I guess my muse just went into overdrive. Hope you guys like it!_

* * *

Natasha woke up the next morning feeling just as terrible as the day before. It seemed as though her typical seven hours of rest weren't enough anymore. Getting out of bed, she couldn't even muster enough energy to change into her uniform so she threw on a robe she typically never used for any other time than after a shower. In a struggle, she made her way through the fridge looking for anything she wouldn't have to cook. Settling on a full jar of peanut butter, she knew something would be better than nothing with her stomach sounding the way it was. Grabbing a spoon, she unceremoniously chugged down as much as she could, glad that very few of her teammates were early risers. According to the clock, it was only six in the morning, meaning it was likely no one would catch her weakly leaning back against the fridge, unwilling to move.

As if on cue, she heard muffled music and footsteps coming in her direction so she stood still in the hopes that whoever it was would leave her alone. When she saw the familiar figure turning the corner, she knew her hopes were in vain. It was Steve Rogers in all his morning jog (if he could still call it a jog) glory. She was surprised Sam was not there right behind him but it was likely that either Sam was still trailing a few miles behind him and Steve had left him far behind in their path or Sam finally gave up trying to catch up with the super soldier and picked another time to do his morning run. The second was the most likely. She could imagine she'd be frustrated too if she dared try racing him.

Normally when she saw Steve in this state, the heavy breathing, the sweating, seeing him in his workout clothes (activewear she told him regularly was far too tight on him to be fair to the women trying to go on with their lives), she made a point to single him out in as flirtatious a way as possible. Watching the straight-laced man squirm was a fun pastime and a great start to her day, usually. This time, though, her thoughts were occupied on making sure he didn't catch on to her struggle. Trying to stand up straighter, she sent him a smile and said nothing. Steve was smart enough to know her silence meant something important. She could never resist the opportunity to tease him.

"Everything alright?" he asked. She nodded and continued eating out of the jar. "I never took you for a spoon-and-jar kind of person." She shrugged weakly and he narrowed his eyes. "Natasha, can you come here for a second? I need your help carrying this bag." She narrowed her eyes back at him, and he knew it was a horrible excuse for a challenge, but he let the words challenge her nonetheless. She got just one step closer and he heard it, this unmistakable rumbling. "You sound like you're starving. Did you eat all of the bars from yesterday?"

"Obviously," she mumbled stubbornly.

"Then you should have no trouble helping me out," he challenged again. She tried to make her way towards him again and he saw her stumble just a little, immediately running close to her to make sure she didn't fall. She wasn't going to, and she knew that well enough that she glared and pulled away from him when he came close.

"I'm fine."

"You look like you're going to fall any second, that is not anyone's definition of fine. Come on, we're going to the medics."

"I am not going, so you have fun going by yourself," she told him, knowing full well it was way too early for them to be arguing already. She certainly didn't love mornings these days, especially when they were this difficult. Steve didn't seem deterred though. He looked like he was bracing himself. He tensed up and - "Oh no, you can forget that-" Before she could run, he had her scooped up in his arms and was heading to the elevator, carrying her bridal style. "Put me down right now! You know I hate being carried. Let me go!" she struggled and pushed him where she could reach, ultimately straining and tiring herself and having little effect on him. "I already told you I'm not going. This is not right. I will scream if you don't put me down, do it now."

And he did. But the elevator doors were already closed and they were on their way up. "If you're not going to go to them when something is wrong, I don't know why you agreed to hiring a medical team."

"I agreed so you would hang up the nurse's outfit, Rogers." Natasha could see in his face that she went too far. Sure enough, Steve started in on a lecture with a tone she always referred to as his 'dad voice'. It was most likely the most terrifying thing she'd ever hear from the typically sweet man.

"The entire Avengers team is worried about you and they're not the only ones. It's clear something's wrong and you need to be careful, if not for yourself, then for the team. They're looking to you and it only distracts them if they're constantly worrying about you rather than training." It was harsh, yes, but it was what she needed to hear. Avoiding his eyes, she nodded. "Your doctors seem nice, anyway," he added as an afterthought.

"They're alright. I think they're still afraid of me," she mused. She didn't expect Steve to think so much about it.

"Afraid of _you_?" His emphasis on the last word earned him a harsh glare from the spy.

"Are you trying to bother me or this just something that's happening today?" To her relief, before he could answer the elevators opened and she rushed out as soon as she could. Her brisk pace repaid her with a slight headache and weak legs as she waited at the main door to the new team's quarters. Steve rang the bell while she simply leaned there. Before he could open his mouth again, Simmons cracked the door open and Natasha nearly collapsed back against the door, prompting Steve to take her arm around his neck and prop her up.

"We need help," he explained simply, hoping that would be enough. Simmons, struggling to focus despite the fact that she was standing at the door in a jacket over colorful pajamas standing before two Avengers, could only nod through her embarrassment. Trying to stop herself from wishing she'd worn any other pair of shoes than the slippers on her feet, she grabbed the keys next to the door and made her way out. The way Natasha was relying on the man's help to stay upright was certainly a good enough sign that this was an emergency. This was a completely different person than the woman she'd met the day before. They hardly made it to the other side of the lobby to the office hall entrance when she glanced back to see Natasha actually leaning on the soldier and hiding her face.

"The room is spinning," the spy muttered. Steve stared down at her, knowing that wasn't how she felt when they were still in the elevator.

"It's getting worse," he explained. Even in a state of such need, it seemed as though she was fighting to stay on her own feet rather than rely on her support. Simmons raced ahead after opening the entrance, looking for a room with a bed and enough equipment for her to station them.

"In here," she called out in the second room she entered. She got out a needle and an IV bag. "We talked to the medical team downstairs," she said as she set up the equipment and Steve laid Natasha down on the hospital bed. It didn't take Simmons long to get Natasha set up with fluids. "When we heard about the diet plan we figured this would become an issue but we didn't think it would happen this fast. A minor diet change isn't going to be enough if she's healing at this rate."

"She mentioned an experimental medication. Could that have anything to do with this?" Steve asked, trying to see if the doctor knew anything about that. Simmons nearly faltered before remembering Steve wasn't supposed to be hearing about any of this. She figured letting him believe what ever he could assume wouldn't hurt. It was her version of playing dumb, anyway. She knew she wasn't a good liar.

"Maybe," she said simply before writing notes on Natasha's medical charts. "The best we can do right now put her on the IV and hope that she'll be up to eating by the time the other doctors are up. We'll figure out the next step from there." She checked Natasha's vitals on the monitor in front of her, occasionally glancing at the spy, who was now lying unconscious and still on the bed. She had passed out some time after Simmons stuck the needle in her, but the doctor had reassured Steve there was nothing to worry about. "All good. Sir, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go…change."

Steve had to press his lips together to avoid a smile before nodding and saying he'd stay behind.

* * *

It took about an hour before Natasha came to. She felt cold and muttered as much to herself, while staring down at her needle. She surprised to see Steve there when she raised her head. He was reaching to get her another blanket from his seat.

"How long was I out?"

"An hour, I think."

"Please don't tell me you were waiting here for an hour," she demanded, knowing Steve was too nice for her to handle in this weakened state and fearing his answer.

"No, don't worry. When he woke up, I asked Fitz to stay here and keep you company while I went to see the team for breakfast. I gave them the day off. I told them you had a mission to take care of. I don't think any of them believed me."

"Well, you _are_ a terrible liar," she reminded him with a small smile and he laughed, to her surprise.

"I was pretty sure if I don't stay, you won't ask for any help," he told her while laying out the blanket over her. "And I want to know what's going on with my partner." Natasha scoffed. "What?"

"You should hear yourself," she sighed out, shaking her head. He didn't understand but he knew she wasn't insulting him this time. It was nice to see her smiling, even in the position she was in. Typically, she was an awful patient.

"Someone's given in to getting help," he noted carefully. "What changed?"

"You were right," she told him. "My team needs me." Some part of Natasha's brain was making vomiting sounds and gestures over how cheesy she sounded in that moment, but she told that part of her to promptly shut up. She realized suddenly that she and Steve were still looking at each other and immediately tore her eyes away just in time for Simmons and Fitz to barge in.

"Okay, Natasha, you're all set with the fluids. You'll just have to return in the afternoon and then at night until we can find a better solution. It won't be long. Fitz and I are already working on a formula for a new product that might be able to narrow down your intake to just three or four small bars a day with your usual diet. It should be finished in a day or two."

"You guys work fast," Steve noted.

"Fitz is a genius with this sort of thing," Simmons said, just intending to make her friend look good in front of his hero. Fitz didn't seem to understand that, giving back the credit near immediately.

"Simmons is really the brains behind it, she's the bio-chem expert," he answered. Steve blinked momentarily upon hearing 'bio-chem'. He had expected typical doctors, which made him figure he had to be missing something.

"And what's your specialty, Fitz?" he asked, wanting to sound casual. Lucky for him, everyone was too distracted to notice his sudden curiosity.

"Tech, mostly," he said as he added notes to Natasha's charts. This wasn't adding up for Steve. "I'll be back soon," Fitz told the room, excusing himself. Meanwhile, Simmons approached Natasha as if preparing for a punishing blow.

"Hearts or Spongebob?" she asked carefully, holding out the two decorative bandages at their disposal. "Most of our stock hasn't come in yet, this was all I could find." It was from her personal stash, but Simmons wasn't going to admit that in front of them.

"Oh, I don't need a bandage," Natasha told her immediately, knowing there was no winning choice here. Steve chuckled.

"With your track record this week, Natasha, you probably shouldn't leave the wound exposed," he said, clearly holding back a smile.

"Wound? It's a needle prick, I'll be fine," she insisted, resisting the urge to swing at Steve for laughing at her.

"I really hate to say this, Agent Romanoff, but I have to agree with him," the woman agreed hesitantly, waiting to be yelled at. Sighing out, Natasha tried to accept this fate.

 _Be nice, Natasha. Be nice. You really, really need these people to like you or this month will be hell._

"Hearts would be great," she said with a plastered smile. "It'll be like Valentine's Day for my arm." The dripping sarcasm in her tone was already driving Steve to hold back a laugh, moving in his chair so he could look away and recover. "And you can just call me Natasha."

"Natasha, right. Well, I love Valentine's Day," Simmons said, hoping that her efforts in continuing the conversation would be enough to make this less awkward.

"Me too," Natasha told her.

"Really?" the doctor asked, clearly surprised by her reply.

"It's the funniest holiday of the year," she asked. The super soldier's face fell in an instant. He got very dangerously quiet and stared at the spy with a warning in his eyes, not that Simmons noticed.

"Funniest? How's that?"

"We probably shouldn't talk about it, Steve's still very sore. How many girls asked you out that day, Captain?"

"I didn't count!" he answered, not liking the insinuation.

"No, but I know Barton did. How many was it?" He didn't answer, protesting this topic by staying silent. "I think it was something like 187. And that was while making every effort to avoid attention." Simmons only smiled, knowing better than to laugh at poor Steve Rogers who was turning tomato red in his chair.

"You're a real bully when you're sick, Romanoff," he said finally.

"I'm just saying. If you'd take my advice, it wouldn't be so difficult. You know what," she turned to the woman still in the room trying to finish with the papers so that she could pull out the IV. "Doctor Simmons, would you mind if I asked you something personal?"

The doctor hesitated but nodded and tried her best to sound more optimistic. "Of course not! You can call me Jemma, by the way," she said. Natasha smiled, knowing this meant progress. As long as she liked half of her medical team, she would survive this process.

"Jemma, right," she answered. "Hypothetically, if you ask a man out and he tells you he's taken, what would you or any other sane woman do?"

"Move on, of course."

"See?" she asked Steve. He chuckled and shook his head.

"Can you stop bothering your doctors? They're trying to do their jobs," he joked and both girls chuckled.

"You guys are funny," Simmons noted fondly before finally going to Natasha's side arranging to take out the IV. Fitz called Steve out of the room and he left immediately. "It's really hard to be in a room with him," the doctor said as soon as Steve was out the door. Natasha looked at her before smirking knowingly. "Oh! Oh, not in that way. I mean, he's fine. I mean, he's more than fine, I-I'm not saying, I just-" It took everything in Nat to keep from laughing. Her doctors were seeming more and more like adorable children, and truly too young for their experience levels. She couldn't imagine these two to be the people she'd read about in the files Fury gave her regarding her medical team. "He used to be friends with my idol."

"Oh yeah? Who's that?"

"Agent Peggy Carter. She was one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s founders. I would love to hear what she was like back then."

"I've heard of her, I think," Natasha said, unable to recall a face. Simmons reached over to the table next to her and pulled up her phone, taking only a moment to show Natasha a picture. The spy recognized her after just a moment, completely distracted as Simmons took out the needle. "I've seen her before." She frowned, remembering her as the woman whose picture was hanging on the wall next to Stark's father's. It was back when they found Arnim Zola's 'computer lab', as she preferred to call it, in that underground office. Steve never answered her question when she tried to figure out who the woman was. "I have to be honest, Simmons, I don't think it'd be a good idea."

"No?" she asked hesitantly.

"I wouldn't suggest it," she said, smiling apologetically. Natasha knew that she would have to look into it, though. A chance for intel was never a chance to be wasted. Even if it was about Steve. "Hey, what are they being so chatty about?" she asked finally, nodding at the pair talking outside.

"I think Steve asked Fitz about some new training simulation he wants to use for the team. Fitz is really excited about developing the program for him. I'm sure it won't take any time away from your project, though."

"Oh I'm not worried about that. We could use some new training sims. They're getting harder to get our hands on now that S.H.I.E.L.D. is down."

"Right." Indirect lies would be the way to go from now on for Jemma. Especially if they insisted on mentioning S.H.I.E.L.D.. "Well, he's very excited too. He's a big fan. Steve is actually his favorite Avenger, I think."

"I've noticed. I'm happy for him, getting that project." There was a short silence.

"I hope you don't mind me saying it, Natasha. We were told to expect a struggle for this project in getting you to participate. You don't seem very hesitant."

Natasha nodded, understanding why she felt the need to mention it. Fitz and Simmons didn't exactly seem like the best fit for what they were being asked to do now, no. They needed their experience with field work and analyzing samples and their advanced knowledge in their own respective fields. It didn't seem like much of a challenge for them yet, but the work hadn't really begun. The redheaded wanted to reassure the doctor somehow that they weren't seeing the big picture yet and would soon. "We haven't gotten a lot of chance to talk about it in private, but this is going to be about much more than a few random health problems. It's a mission in and of itself. We'll be starting later today, when the project head gets here. I hope you like a challenge, because if you do then I promise you that you're in the right place. This isn't going to be easy."

Simmons nodded. "Well, in the meanwhile, you're free to go. Don't forget to come an hour early later today so we can start again before Director Fury gets here." Natasha nodded and stood up, looking down at her heart-filled pink bandage. She sighed out just as Fitz and Steve entered.

"Hold that thought," Fitz told Steve before addressing the two of them carefully. "I promise we hate to be asking this right now, but we heard it down the grapevine that Banner didn't make it out of Seoul and we're dying to know if it's true."

"He's one of our field idols, we just want to know if this is just simple gossip," Simmons added. Natasha was too blindsided by the mention of him that she couldn't really say anything.

"Banner made it out of Seoul. He boarded an auto-piloted quinjet as the Hulk that couldn't be tracked and went missing before we found the remains of the plane near the ocean. We haven't found a body, so there's a good chance he's still alive. We don't have to lose hope yet," Steve answered with his head high with that reassuring Captain America tone and manner about him. Immediately, the two doctors nodded and Simmons even sighed out in relief. His words comforted them but Natasha felt light-headed.

"Excuse me," she forced out with a polite smile. "I think I'm going to go walk the edge off." She gestured at the IV before making her way out the door with promises of returning later. The doctors suspected nothing but Steve knew that look. He smiled at them apologetically before starting after her.

* * *

"Natasha!" he called out after her when they got out in the open. Natasha was trying to use the outdoor balcony to travel and stay on the stairs outside and maybe make her way back to the Avenger's Mansion that way. That is, that was the plan until she heard Steve's footsteps behind her.

"I just need some air," she said quickly, hoping that would stop him.

"I just want to talk," he said, catching up with her. She wasn't smiling, for sure, but she wasn't frowning or pouting or crying either and that was what made her herself. She wasn't like everyone else when it came to things like this, things that should probably hurt if he'd been right about her and Banner. There was a time where Steve would have thought that strange but he's learned to appreciate these oddities in her as her strength.

"Quickly."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry about that, they were just concerned."

"Why? That was nothing."

"Ever since Banner-"

"Please don't tell me you're here to tell me you're sorry about what happened with Banner. I'm not in mourning, Steve. We don't know yet and I don't do 'maybe'," she snapped back, though they both knew they still speculated he could be dead.

"I know. Will you just let me finish?"

"Steve, I don't want to hear it," she confessed. "I don't need you to apologize because you think I'm mourning him. And worse, I don't want you to tell me you're sorry because it didn't work out. I am a grown woman, I am not some broken child. You know me better than that. Don't offend me by trying to console me over something so-"

"I do know you, Natasha. Just hear me out," he said, immediately continuing when she tried to speak again. "I am sorry about what happened with Banner, not because I think you need me to be and not because I think you're broken up about it. I just know it's not exactly a great time for you right now and I know thinking about Banner probably hasn't made that any easier on you. Bottling things up can't be helping either and I should have said something, I should have made sure you were alright a long time ago. Not because you need it, but because we're partners. Better yet, we're friends and I should have been there for you whether you needed me or not."

"It was just a short-"

"I know. I'm not making any assumptions here. You're just clearly occupied over something these days and I guess I've been too afraid to ask what that was about. It might not be about Banner, but I should at least be asking. That's my fault, no matter what it's really about. If you ever need it, and I'm willing to bet you won't, I'm always here to help." Her top lip twisted in the way it always did when she thought he was being too nice, but he knew the sign enough to know he'd said something she appreciated. "Okay. Now, if you still want to be alone, I'll go," he said, already turning when she put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Walk with me," she said, trying to force down any reaction to his pleased smile. "You need to practice lying about this fake girlfriend of yours." Wiping that smile off his face was a little more fun than it should have been.

"I still haven't agreed to that," he reminded her.

"It's the plan we're going with until you get a better idea. Now let's go- Pretend I'm Sally from Tech," she swallowed and forced the strongest southern accent she could. "Oh hello, Steve." She could hardly finish her act because he started laughing so loudly, forcing her to laugh too, just because.

"Have you practiced that?" he choked out between laughs. She shook her head. "That is uncanny, you've got to show that to the team." Despite the bad start, this was already becoming a good day.

* * *

 _Hope you liked it. This wasn't a very plot heavy chapter but it had a lot of details that will be coming up very soon._ _More up soon, hopefully. Next chapter will finally be getting into Natasha's experiment._

 _Questions, comments, suggestions? Thanks again to my reviewers last chapter! Reviews are love!_


	7. The Real Mission

_As promised! Thanks so much for the reviews, they've really been helping me keep churning these ideas out. I hope you like this chapter._

* * *

It hit noon and the team made it back to the mansion earlier than Natasha had been expecting for one of their rare nights out.

"Home so soon?" Natasha inquired, not ashamed at all of the position she was in. She felt a little light-headed before and had immediately pulled out the box of cookies Sam's mother had left them. She was in the middle of finishing a red velvet Iron Man pick as her charges filed in. "How bad was the movie?"

"They recognized those sorry losers," Sam explained, nodding at the other three, "and we spent the whole time dodging press. Eventually it just became easier to make our way back to the tower." Natasha smiled at him, noticing he was clearly pleased very few people knew who he was yet.

"Maybe next time we'll just make a call and find you guys an opening?" she suggested. "They could sneak you in the side door."

"They'd do that?" Rhodey asked.

"If you look at it one way, being an Avenger is a perk I guess," she explained with a shrug. None of them were really for using that privilege but she knew she would rather make the team's life easier. They weren't used to the publicity just yet. Press was certainly something she remembered Maria insisted they talk about and soon. "Hey Sam, do you think you could get your mom to send us more of these cookies?" Sam just stared at her, amused. "What? They're really good." He, Vision and Wanda went to sit on the couch on the other side of the kitchen island. "Also, I'm really flattered she designed cookies after me too," she said, holding up a Black Widow cookie.

"You're surprised she included you?" asked Rhodey.

"It's not as typical an occurrence as you'd think," she explained. "Even in being the only girl, it's sometimes not enough to be remembered most of the time."

"Well, that sucks," Rhodey noted.

"Maybe. But I guess the other alternative is being Tony Stark," she reasoned. They both shared a knowing look. They both knew that was about being attention-grabbing like he was back when he was creating a whole spectacle of himself for the attention. "I think even he's realized being an Avenger is more important than being remembered or treated as one." She and Rhodey seemed to share an understanding of equality between them. Sure, she was his teacher, training him to be an Avenger. She didn't think she needed to mature him like the others had to be matured. He was a grown man with his head on straight and he knew she respected that. In return, he always respected her. Also, he seemed to make an effort to be extra nice to her. He probably understood how the team drove her and Steve crazy sometimes, since he seemed to grow just as mad with their antics.

Rhodey was kind enough to make them both tea as Natasha continued to eat the rest of the cookies in the box. As they spoke, she could hear the occasional line from the group on the couch. As far as she could make out, just in overhearing, they were trying to figure out what was going on with her. Normally, she hated nosy conversations like that but she couldn't help thinking it was sweet that they were worried. That is, until she heard Vision's shockingly straight-faced suggestion.

"She could be pregnant-" he was going to continue but Natasha's choking cough as she tried to finish swallowing the cookie cut him off. Staring up at the ceiling and wishing she could disappear, she addressed them without meeting their eyes.

"Heard that! That's not the problem. Thank you for the concern, but please try not to kill me before my meeting today," she rushed her words, wanting to avoid getting mad. She already knew she had to have patience and it was clear no one meant to offend her or scare the living daylights out of her. She knew she couldn't have kids, so it was certain that wasn't the case. It had to do with her new issue at hand. At the moment, she was a bit thankful she couldn't have kids or that paranoia might have plagued her for the rest of the day. She couldn't imagine asking any of her doctors for a pregnancy test. She wasn't sure who would get more panicked, herself or FitzSimmons. She was getting sick enough without a pregnancy, she didn't need one to complicate her life right now.

Rhodey looked to be somewhere between a laugh and sincere concern for her.

"I think you've broken her," Sam joked to Vision, whose concern and confusion read clearly on his face. Before he could ask anything, Steve walked through the door and Natasha decided it was time for a subject change.

"Oh, Captain Rogers, my hero, these kids are driving me crazy," she announced in her Sally impression.

"You sound freakishly like that girl from Tech," noted Sam, noticing that Steve had paled instantly before realizing it was Nat. The spy raised an eyebrow at him and the soldier laughed and held up a hand at her.

"I'm gonna go. I'm not ready for another minute of that impression," he said, excusing himself with grin as the others prompted the spy to imitate the other woman again.

* * *

Moments later, the elevator opened for him on the second floor, where Steve planned on looking for a map of the area so that he could find a place to lay low for a while and get some air. Instead, however, he met Doctor Simmons there, struggling to carry a tall stack of papers to the elevator. Immediately, he picked the pile up from the other side, smiling over at her from the top of the stack.

"How's it going, doc?" he asked, pressing the elevator call button with his other hand after balancing the whole stack on one hand. He hadn't meant to show off, but it was clear by the other woman's stare that she was extremely stunned by the display. Immediately, he put the pile back in both hands and hoped to remedy the moment. "Any leads on Natasha?"

Simmons momentarily debated whether she could tell him that it was confidential. She was pretty sure she couldn't get away with that without crumbling from nerves right after. "No, but the testing starts in about a minute so hopefully we'll have some answers then."

"What are you guys planning on doing?" Immediately, Simmons grasped for lies to tell.

"Well our theory right now is that it's the medication you mentioned causing the problem."

"Really? So it's not the radiation issue in Seoul?"

"There's a radiation issue in Seoul?"

"Aren't you testing her for radiation?" He was sure Fitz had mentioned something about that.

"Not to my knowledge, it's never come up," she answered, confused. She'd never heard about Fitz's initial attempt at hiding the truth. Steve tightened his jaw and nodded. "Why?"

"No reason," he said. He helped her get to her floor with the stack before leaving as soon as he could manage without being rude. He knew he was getting lied to now, he would just have to confront Natasha before the meeting started. He went back to the Shed immediately and called for her when he got to their floor.

"Is Natasha here?" he demanded of the team when he saw them. They all shook their heads and told him she'd already gone up in the other elevator. He went up again, trying to catch her but when the elevator stopped at the right floor, the doors wouldn't open. The floor was locked down. Steve resisted pulling the doors open himself, knowing it wouldn't accomplish anything. Resigned, he returned to the Shed. He could only barely hear the team discussing their day off together, too busy trying to figure out what they could possibly be hiding from him.

* * *

"Glad you finally made it," Fury greeted Natasha dryly. She made herself comfortable in the chair on his right side, knowing full well he wasn't going to take it. He wasn't one to sit and talk when he could stand. "Doctor Lakely, please take over," he said to the woman standing next to him.

"We'll try to keep this meeting brief. We'll have plenty of time later to get to know each other. As he said, I'm Doctor Lakely," she said. Natasha liked her already. You could tell a lot about a person by the way they could stand and address a room. She certainly had control. "I'll be leading this project. Essentially what we're dealing with here is close to an 0-8-4. As all of you can recall from SHIELD-" Little did Natasha know that the doctor was purposefully avoiding mention S.H.I.E.L.D. as the still active organization that it was now under Coulson's leadership. "-that means basically we have an object - or in this case - person of unknown origin. I'll have the specifics laid out for you soon but here are the facts. Until late 2004, we have little to no confirmed knowledge of Natasha Romanoff's past. We have no birth date, no history and no known origin other than her nationality and involvement in the KGB. In Seoul, Wanda Maximoff used her powers to conjure some kind of hallucinations or hypnosis that triggered new memories of Agent Romanoff's true past. It's becoming clear that there is more to her history than S.H.I.E.L.D. or she herself knew about. After some tests, it's been confirmed by my lab that Natasha was at some point likely influenced by a self-concealing form of serum not unlike the kind used on Steve Rogers and possibly Bucky Barnes that is nearly impossible to find traces of."

Doctor Andrew Garner was the first to speak up. "So you're saying Agent Romanoff is another super soldier?"

"No. We don't know what she is. As of now she's an 0-8-4 as I've said. Whatever produced this serum, whoever created it is most likely of a separate entity from the creators of Steve Roger and Bucky Barnes' origins. This means there could be a super soldier production going on right under our noses, even to this day." Natasha took the cue to speak.

"Not only that but they've done a good job of keeping their tracks hidden. I don't know who they are, obviously. Almost everything I know, I've tried to reveal already. As far as I know, I've been working for the KGB since I was 18 until late 2004 when I was captured by Agent Barton. I can remember certain missions I've carried out but the rest of my recollections are a decided blur. I have little to no memory of my childhood. I sometimes recognize people or get recognized and can't remember why or how I know them. I am almost certain many of the memories I do have are wrong, too. These people were good at what they did. If we didn't know they existed until now, there's a chance they're still around."

"Why hasn't this been brought up before?" asked Garner.

"Before, I didn't notice the issue. It was like there was a wall in my memory that Wanda Maximoff has unintentionally broken, one that kept me from asking too many questions. For example, I remember when I joined I was forced through a graduation ceremony. My only real takeaway from the experience is an intensive physical test and then being sterilized so that I couldn't have children. Before, when I thought of the operation, I had a memory of being at peace with the tradition. Now, I remember violent resistance on my part. I remember being forced through it against my will. Most importantly, I also remember the sterilization isn't the part of the operation I was most afraid of, but I don't know what was. There's a chance my memories had something to do with it. The good news is the fact that I can remember new things means they haven't stolen the memories, just hidden them well. That's why we're all here. We need to dig and find out what we can about this organization so that we can find it and make sure it falls before anyone else gets hurt."

"If that doesn't sound hard enough, here's an added bonus," began Fury. "It seems as though whatever she's got in her system is rebelling. You get the unenviable task of making sure Agent Romanoff makes it through this without dropping dead or, for that matter, interrupting her training schedule. All while not letting anyone who is not standing in this room hear a word of this unless they're pre-authorized by myself. This isn't just about Romanoff's privacy, this is an issue of international security. Any questions?"

There was a long silence before FitzSimmons exchanged a look, gave each other a nod and Dr. Simmons spoke up. "When do we start?"

* * *

 _You ain't seen nothing yet. ;) Let me know what you think. Huge thanks to my reviewers! I have revealed some important details this chapter but I hope you can trust me when I say I've definitely got tons of twists up my sleeve. Reviews are love!_


	8. Secrets and Lies Part 1

It didn't go unnoticed by Natasha that Steve had been spending the last day strangely silent with the team, especially with her. He spoke when he needed to, and he didn't exactly take a tone or anything but she could still recognize the signs. He was mad at someone and she could make a bet already that it was her. She wasn't going to let it get her nervous though. There was no way he overheard anything. She figured he must have followed her advice, told a girl he was taken and wound up with some tear-filled secretary on his arm for the afternoon. That was more than likely the problem.

The first two sessions of the experiment went well enough. Yesterday was the first, the day of the meeting, and it was mostly just about planning the experiment out. This morning, she reported to them for the first few hours of the day to get her IV and help them start on the piles of paperwork they were filling to document her memories. It wasn't just paperwork though, it felt so intense being in that room. All 4 doctors were sitting or standing on the other side of the table. She had a video camera pointed at her, with a microphone sitting right in front of her seat. They all had papers they were writing on. Sometimes they'd just let her fill out forms, other times they'd ask her the questions themselves. She could tell they were watching her tone, counting her pauses. It was making her nervous, especially when she was so far out of her comfort zone. She was never one for talking about herself. Usually when she did, she wasn't sure she could trust the people in the room. They had to keep reminding her to be as honest and speak as freely as possible, which was certainly a test for her. Training with the team was like a walk in the park in comparison.

There was no way hearing about either of these sessions taking place would bother Steve. Still, he had gone out of his way to make her feel better the day before and she wasn't so terrible that she wouldn't repay the favor. Opportunity arose when they shared an elevator as they headed up to the empty Shed to change out of their uniforms so they could join the team for dinner.

"Any news?" he asked her before she could speak up.

"FitzSimmons is almost done making the superbars," she said casually, hoping that his mood was changing.

"FitzSimmons?"

"That's what their team calls them when they're together, apparently." His smile was gone as fast as it came. "Do you want to talk?" He didn't answer. "I'll talk then. You're awfully quiet today. I just want to make sure you're okay. Friends, remember?" His cold expression wasn't giving her much to work with here. "At least tell me if you're mad at me or someone else, that look on your face is making me feel like I'm supposed to apologize for something and you know I don't like to apologize so it must be good."

"I know you had FitzSimmons lie to me," he said suddenly when they got to the mansion. "I just can't figure out why."

"Steve-"

"I mean, I can understand wanting your medical records to be private. That's fine. Having your doctors, actual agents, actively lie to me just says you're hiding something."

"You've got to hear me out here, Steve," she started again, but he just kept going. She knew immediately what she had to do, recalling memories she usually liked to forget. It took some work but she really channeled some kind of pain as Steve continued.

"With you and Fury working together like this and hiding secrets, it's just becoming like SHIELD all over again. We're supposed to be building this new organization up from the ground together. You can keep secrets all you want but how am I supposed to trust you if you're having the agents blatantly lie to me?" Natasha sighed as tears began forming in her eyes. Steve was silenced by the sight, having never seen her this emotional in the time that they've known each other. She could see it didn't even take a second's pause for his anger to turn into concern.

She was going to pay for doing this to him one day, she just knew it.

"I didn't want to worry you," she started in a hoarse voice, blinking the tears away. She knew if she actually let a tear fall he'd suspect something. She never cried, not even while she believed Banner could be dead, not when Barton was compromised and not even when Coulson died. Also, she had made it more than clear to Steve that dying wasn't what she feared most. "The team definitely can't know. You have to promise me you're not going to tell them." He nodded, watching her carefully. "I lied to you. Something's wrong, Steve. I'm not just sick. It's worse than we thought."

He wasn't reacting much but the changes she did see were enough to hurt her. It was too late to go back now. She'd certainly get the results she wanted, just in the worst way possible. "It's becoming one thing after another. The doctors aren't sure what's going on, and I know they're worried. They're trying not to scare me but it's serious. I think the doctors have been making things up because they don't know what to tell you, I told them not to bother you about it. They don't know what's going on with me yet, but it's clearly dangerous. I don't know what's going to happen to me but I don't want everyone staring at me like a ticking bomb so please just drop it," she said, her last words in her usual forceful tone. She concluded her performance with a smooth transition to her usual demeanor, hoping that would be enough to get Steve to think less of the worry she'd clearly put in him.

It wasn't enough. Before she could stop him, he had his arms wrapped around her in a hug that left her with a chill she knew meant she was going to pay for lying. Steve's most important priority was his friends and here she was making up some false threat. "Let's not get carried away," she reminded him, making him laugh and let her go.

"Do they have any ideas?" he asked, clearly trying to save his pity for when he was alone. If she had been sick, she knew he was aware she would get very angry if he apologized for something out of his control.

"No. They keep testing negative on their theories. Now they're looking in my history and I'm filling all of this paperwork before we try anything else. It's frustrating but it's fine." These half-truths were going to have to do until the experiment was over.

"Have you told Barton?"

"No, he's on his vacation. I don't want to bother him." She could tell he would be arguing with her if he weren't under the impression that she was sick.

"So, what now?"

"Well, we're meeting the team for dinner. Then, we have a meeting with Agent Hill," she reminded him.

"No, I mean what are we going to do? What are you going to do?" She offered him a sad smile, actually a bit hurt herself that he was so invested in this already.

"We're not going to worry about it. We're going to go on like nothing is happening until we're sure. Sound like a plan?"

"A good one," he agreed. She could tell he was still thinking about it. This was certainly cruel of her. Something about lying to Steve could be easily compared to kicking a dog, she was realizing. She rarely felt about lying to anyone who wasn't Barton, but Steve had a way of putting her conscious to work.

* * *

"So what does he think he is?" Fitz asked to clarify. "Cancer or something?"

"I don't know. I didn't make it specific so I guess it's what ever terrible ailment he can think of," she explained, a twisted frown on her face. She had finished changing faster than Steve, having merely picked a dress and zipped in before grabbing shoes and tell him she'd be upstairs with her medical team, waiting for him.

"Oh Fitz, we should have had our stories straight," Simmons said, clearly upset by this news.

"It's everyone's fault not just yours," Natasha clarified. "There should have been a set plan for this. Steve has never been one for keeping his curiosity in check when he thinks he's being lied to. Just make sure the other doctors are clear on this story now. I'll take care of Fury." As if on cue, Steve made his way in, trying on a smile and aiming it at the two doctors though it was clear he still wasn't feeling too forgiving. Immediately, they stood.

"Captain, we just wanted to say we're really sorry," Jemma started, the guilt written all over her face. It surprised the spy how much these two wore their feelings in their expressions.

"We didn't mean to offend you in any way. We were just -" Steve raised a hand at Fitz to silence them both.

"You don't need to apologize, Natasha already explained everything. You were just trying to do your job," he said, forgiving them on the spot. It was clear from the first day that they were nice people, he had little hope of holding a grudge. Natasha never really realized the effect that Steve had on people as much as she did when he interacted with FitzSimmons. His words affected them near-immediately. His polite tone and kind words alone soothed their guilt.

It was an uncharted super power of his, it had to be.

"Well, Natasha's just got one last round of pills before she can leave," Fitz explained.

"Yeah, she's off the IV finally so that's good news. Speaking of," Simmons pulled a small granola bar sized box out of a desk drawer. "We finished our first prototype of the superbar. Three bars should be enough to keep you nourished each day." Steve couldn't help reaching for it to observe the size.

"It's crazy that you guys can create things like this so quickly. It's the size of a protein bar."

"We have no idea how it tastes, sadly. We couldn't try the recipe ourselves. That would be enough vitamin overdose to hospitalize a normal person. Apologies in advance."

"When we get Banner back, he would probably really appreciate this. He struggles with the same issue, whenever- you know," Steve mentioned, not wanting to call him the Hulk even if he wasn't around to be offended.

"Really?" Fitz asked, clearly entertained. Natasha wanted little more than to change the subject before the discussion got too in depth. She'd make sure to find them time to talk about Banner without her around.

"Steve, could you make sure the team hasn't left us behind?" With a nod, he left for the elevator and Natasha got to the job of swallowing all of the pills she had been left that would help her heal her spine injuries slower. Dr. Lakely had told her something about how healing too fast could mean her spine would heal incorrectly, but she didn't explain too much before prescribing them. As kind and intelligent as she seemed, that woman didn't do a lot of clarification. That was why Natasha preferred speaking to FitzSimmons. They talked a little too much sometimes, sure, but it was better than being with these doctors and not talking at all. And she didn't like talking to Garner. She hated most psychologists, even ones as nice as him.

"This really must be killing him," Simmons noted. Natasha could see she didn't mean to offend her but it really hit her anyway.

"I think he's fine."

"Are you kidding? He looks pretty stressed to me," she said. Natasha turned to Fitz and asked him his opinion, feeling a bit let down when he agreed. "He must really care about you," Simmons said. There was no insinuation in her tone but Natasha heard it anyway.

"Oh no, that's just Steve. He worries about everyone," she said. The other two agreed with her, though her attitude made it clear she was trying to convince all three of them.

* * *

Dinner went very well for her, despite everything. Steve did a good job of hiding his feelings as the team discussed plans for the next week over sushi. Natasha's favorite moment was the laugh she had when she heard the guys were planning a night out without her and Wanda.

"Oh whatever will we do without you? You hear that, Maximoff? They're leaving us home like nagging housewives."

"Where are you guys even going?" Wanda asked, amused too.

"It's a secret," Sam joked.

"That's code for strip club," Natasha answered under her breath, looking at Wanda. The rest of the table laughed when Vision and Steve were clearly confused by the sudden mention. "Whatever, I'm sure we can come up with something much more fun to do." In truth, she was a little nervous to be alone with Wanda. She had certainly never spent a day alone with the young girl. They seemed to get along though, and they seemed to have a similar sense of humor. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad.

"You know, we could reschedule," Steve offered tentatively. He and Natasha met eyes and she knew he was worried about leaving her alone. Was Simmons right? Was this really bothering him so much? Rhodey and Sam looked at him like he was crazy.

"No, no need, we'll come up with something," she said, playing it off as his courtesy. "You guys should take Fitz, he might die." Steve smiled and Sam mentioned having met Fitz. "We'll invite Simmons. Maybe Hill too, though I don't see her agreeing."

"She definitely wants nothing to do with us right now," Steve confessed, recalling how angry she was when he abandoned her at the Avengers training session.

* * *

Sure enough, the meeting with Hill made it clear she was in no mood for a girl's night invitation.

"Agent Romanoff," she said, addressing Natasha alone and clearly ignoring Steve. Natasha loved this about her. She was never afraid to act exactly as she felt. She wasn't one to bite her tongue either. "I just wanted to warn you, there's been a board meeting regarding the rights to the Avengers name and merchandise." Natasha nodded, clearly unsure of what that had to do with them. "Tony has secured the rights for Stark Industries and agreed to give us the revenue, which is a big help when it comes to funding our program-"

"That's good news-"

"Under a few conditions," she finished. She handed them the contract. Both of their faces twisted up.

"I'll kill him," Natasha said, letting Steve take the papers from him.

"We're not celebrities, we don't do press. What is he thinking?" he continued.

"Talk to him, talk to Fury, I'm convinced they've lost it," Hill said. "My hands are tied. Meanwhile, he's scheduled your first interview for tomorrow in the afternoon."

"The team isn't ready for that!"

"Not the team. You," she said, looking at the both of them.

* * *

 _This is really just the first half of what I meant to be posting in this chapter. This part just took me a really long time to write out, but the next half will be a lot easier to get through. I promise to have it posted soon. Special thanks to my reviewers! Reviews are love!_


	9. Secrets and Lies Part 2

Natasha was having a hard time focusing in the interview with the medical team. Andrew was staring holes into her head. "Natasha, it's a simple question. We've told you that you don't have to force yourself to answer them all now," he reminded her. He was trying to soothe her nerves but she took everything he said as an insult when she was this agitated. "When you can't remember something, we'll skip it and go back like yesterday. You can fill things out over time."

"I know that," she said stubbornly.

"I'll just repeat it then. What's your highest level of schooling?" She went quiet again, avoiding his eyes. She didn't want to admit she couldn't remember. It was like the answer was there but it was taunting her. She felt almost like it wasn't about having the memory stolen, that she was just being unreasonably forgetful. This was messing with her head.

"Maybe let us try, Doctor," Simmons said with a yawn. They'd all had to wake up early to make the live interview schedule work. Doctor Garner was clearly getting frustrated with her impatience, he seemed like he didn't get a chance to get much sleep. Natasha felt bad about giving him such a hard time but she felt like she'd made it clear already she just wanted time to answer this question. "Let's skip down a bit. Fitz, what's in the next section?" The spy tried to compose herself again and smiled.

"Marital status?"

Natasha's smile faltered, betraying her answer. "Widowed," she said. The two younger doctors had a laugh what they presumed was a joking reference. Meanwhile, the older doctor skipped the question without writing her answer, clearly assuming it was a joke too. She didn't know what to tell him when he did so she just laughed it off too, unsure of what she was thinking. Just as quickly, the thoughts of what she could suddenly recall with that answer drifted away, frustrating her more suddenly. "I need music if we're going to keep doing this."

"We're almost done." Every part of her screamed for them to let her leave already but she stayed planted in her chair. "Date of Birth?"

"November 22," she said, knowing she'd answered this already.

"Year?"

"1984."

"When you had Fury put that in your public SHIELD file and asked him to burn the real one, you told Fury you knew it probably wasn't true."

"Then I was wrong."

Garner picked up a paper and read aloud Fury's statement on Natasha's file. "Upon further investigation, it became clear that not even Miss Romanoff knew much about her origins. Still, she pushed that she knew for a fact that her year of birth listed was incorrect. She regularly restated dates and years for specific events, unable to come up with the same answer even when given multiple chances. Her confessions regarding past missions on behalf of the KGB did not amount to work that could possibly be done over a three year span, the amount of time she claims to have worked for the organization, and the stories lacked any specific details. Many times, she recalled earlier memories of working for a similar organization before she turned eighteen before denying it later in the day. Many of her references were outdated when she talked about her missions, and she often hesitated before admitting to working for the KGB, nearly naming multiple operations and projects that supposedly have no correlation to her history. Her medical team declared her history as irretrievable without further study, study which she denied upon realizing all mental distress ceased when she wasn't forced to recall memories. There was a direct correlation with her physical exhaustion and her attempts to recall even basic history. In her real file, she was listed as an enhanced after testing for a superhuman immune system, though she refused tests that could have further supported this status. Years later, her enhanced status was changed to human when she asked that her original file get burned." Natasha scowled, not wanting to admit she couldn't even remember doing that much thinking when the first medical team had tested her. Had she forgotten all of that progress they made so easily? "I'll ask again, Natasha, do you want me to write that you don't know what year you were born? You just have to tell the truth."

"Fine," she muttered.

"Why did you asked for your original file to be burned?" the doctor asked suddenly.

"Clint told me he'd asked a favor of Fury that was kept off the books. I thought it was my turn to cash in."

"That's how you found out you could ask. You haven't told me why you asked." She answered him with a glare.

* * *

Natasha got out of there as soon as she could when they finished, with only four more questions left unanswered. Outside, she found Steve waiting by the elevators for her to leave.

"We're going to be late," he told her, though he didn't seem to think it was worth regretting.

"I still don't understand why we can't cancel."

"Tony won't pick up the phone and neither will Fury. There's no way to cancel without looking bad."

"You'd think after we save the world a few times, we'd be allowed to miss an interview without a guilt trip," she complained before following him out.

Natasha would never admit to it, but she let the stress of the interview get to her when she finished getting ready in the dressing room. Everything in the room just made her hate being there even more. The lights were too bright, for one. The makeup artist had attacked her against her will and she couldn't help picking at the colors on her face. She looked like a singer, not an agent. It wasn't her job to be made up for the cameras like this. SHIELD had actual representatives for this kind of work. She heard a knock at the door asking her to come out as soon as possible and she didn't budge, knowing how much time she had left before the interview. Soon, there came a different knock at the door and she heard Steve talk through it before she invited him in.

"They put flowers in my room, Rogers," she complained, just picking out the first annoying thing she could think of. "Why did they get me flowers? Did you get flowers? I hate these things. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic."

"You're not allergic," he stated matter-of-factly.

"No, but I could be. Why didn't they ask me if I wanted flowers first?"

"They're from fans, Natasha." She quirked her eyebrows at him before reaching for the flowers. Sure enough, there was a note with a messy handwriting she could recognize as a kid's. Smiling briefly, she shook her head and tried to backtrack. The session that morning had really left her frustrated. She wasn't sure why but everything irritated her so easily. It was hard to calm down when she was so agitated.

"I just can't believe Stark is doing this to us," she continued, unable to stop herself. "Did you know people don't like me? Yeah, apparently that's a problem. I've heard Fitz say it before. The press knows nothing about me and now they've got an interview with me, the least likable Avenger."

"Why are you worried about that?" he asked, unsure of where all of this was coming from.

"I don't know, I've never had to do this before. Representing the Avengers for an interview? People don't even remember I am an Avenger half the time. I don't even care about it either. If they wanted someone who would try to impress them, they should have invited Barton. Hell, Tony still has that chip on his shoulder. I am not an interview-friendly type."

Her voice was taking on an unreasonably frustrated tone and suddenly Steve understood this had to do with her doctor's session. She had practically marched out of that room before she saw him. Maybe things were getting worse. The thought worried him more than he was willing to admit. More than anything, he wanted to cancel their interview and save face, giving Natasha time to recover but they didn't have that option. Instead, he put his hands on her shoulders, making her lock eyes with him. "Calm down. We've got no choice, we have to do this interview. Just think of it as a mission."

"Missions aren't pointless. Why aren't you freaking out? You're being rather confident about this. You hate the spotlight more than any of us."

"Did I ever tell you about my stage acting days?"

"What?" she said, snapped out of her nerves by the revelation and her immediate curiosity. "No! Tell me."

"Make it through the interview and I will." Through complaints, she followed him out to the waiting area. Natasha did everything she could not to develop a sudden camera shyness when she saw the large black contraptions pointed at them as she and Steve waited for their cue. She looked to the super soldier, who she now realized was not looking so comfortable himself in a suit and tie. Upon further inspection, she started laughing when she saw his botched mess of a tie.

"Did you try to tie that yourself?" she asked quietly, trying to choke down her mirth.

"Shut up," he mumbled back. Immediately, she played nice and fixed it for him just in time to finish before their cue. Their entrance was filmed as he pulled her behind him so they wouldn't look like they were just taking their time, and they sat down across two interviewers who seemed rather amused already.

* * *

The interview was a blur of laughs and questions, though the interviewer's expressions never changed. They were grinning the whole time and she couldn't tell if that meant anything. Her only indication of a job well done was Steve's praise when they were done. It wasn't until a few hours later that there was any sign of serious repercussions. The first sign came in the form of Tony Stark. Entering, he saw immediately at his left from the elevators that the new Avengers waited in front of their living room TV for the interview's recap as Natasha and Steve tried to finish their late dinner at the kitchen island. He announced himself as he entered, only inviting a hateful stare from Natasha.

"Before you come at me, I've got to say I expected stuttering at worst, not that," he said, defending himself.

"What are you talking about?"

"It was entertaining, don't get me wrong."

"What? Did we mess up?"

"If only. You guys went viral," Tony explained just as the recap was announced on the TV. Natasha and Steve's faces fell near immediately as they read the feature title.


	10. Tainted Dreams

The new Avengers watched, completely soaked in by what was happening on the screen as their trainers seemed to be absorbed by their chairs as they sank lower and lower in their seats. Tony stood behind them, hands on the couch back propping him up as he watched the interview like it was giving him life.

"This has really restored my faith in quality live programming," he joked. He was very full of it but the other two were too horrified by the screen to spare him enough mind. They didn't mess up. It was far less elegant than that. Their answers were just fine. They were serious when they had to be, friendly when it was necessary. Natasha did a good job of smiling even when her thoughts criticized everything their interviewers had to say.

Their behavior towards each other was…it was just embarrassing. Somewhere in their nerves they sought comfort in assuring each other that they were doing well, and it blurred some tangible line of appropriate behavior for two coworkers. Upon their introduction alone, you could see Natasha fixing Steve's tie, a moment they both thought to be private, only made worse as both of them laughed together at some silent joke before they were called in. Alone, it was nothing, but when their names were called, they had their hands connected as they walked onto the stage in a gesture that was too easily misinterpreted. One glance at each other in the living room and they knew they could not tell who between them had initiated that move.

Tony narrated each mistake as if he'd watched it a thousand times. For the whole of the hour-long interview, there was this radiating aura of incomprehensible chumminess between them. It wasn't just in their actions, it was in the constant looks between them. Every time they hesitated to answer a question and looked to the other for guidance, it looked more like admiration than a search for support.

Worst of all for Natasha and clearly for Steve too by the pale color of his face, was their shared laughs. They always turned to each other for a joke, for some kind of confirmation. It was like they couldn't laugh on their own, and like they were so wrapped up they thought the other was quite easily the funniest person in the world. Even when it was just a nervous laugh, they were so in sync with each other while they were in their humorous moods. It wasn't anything remarkable in private but in this interview they just looked so... The words that came to mind made them both cringe.

The team clearly didn't think they were always like this, not by the surprised (though clearly extremely amused) faces. Their laughs came in choruses every time Tony announced a new slip. The interview felt like it was lasting forever, and the headlines and commentaries used words like "intimate" and "private", while suggesting that there was a hidden relationship between the two Avengers. Some were even suggesting that this interview was maybe an announcement of that, as if that could ever be some kind of priority among them. Though not blushing, they both had these blank expressions overtaking any other reaction as they tried to soak in this mortifying version of themselves on their television. As the interview was drawing to a close, Tony spared a few choice words.

"Fury and I were hoping the media spark could pay for maybe a few extra planes or something. This, however," he said, gesturing at the screen with his phone. He shook his head, looking so damn proud Natasha wanted to smack the look right off of him. "This is gold. We can sell this. You two are now the most talked about celebrities in the country, at least until they can subtitle this for international use. World-wide, this could probably fund the construction of the building on its own. I knew the investment would be good but you guys have exceeded my expectations. Well done."

Knowing it would only look childish if they attacked Tony, Natasha and Steve glared daggers at him and stayed put in their seats. Just as the recap ended, she got an alert on her phone telling her it was time to visit the doctors again. "FitzSimmons is calling," she said simply, grabbing her jacket and walking out without so much as a goodbye. She would have done anything to get out of that room, and she thanked the doctors in her mind for saving her.

It was only moments after Natasha left that Steve stood up and faced Tony.

"Meet me on the roof, we need to talk," he ordered. Tony made a joke about needing to suit up if he was going to get thrown off the building. "Now."

* * *

"Go away, Clint," she demanded when she picked up her phone as it rang. She could hear his familiar laugh on the other side of the phone. Though she was trying to be mad at him, the corners of her mouth twitched up when she heard his children laughing in the background. His voice sounded more relaxed.

"I just wanted to know if there's something you want to tell me about you and Captain America."

"Shut up."

"Be careful with him, Natasha. He's delicate, like a fossil." He could hardly finish his joke, he was laughing so much. She rolled her eyes, a little embarrassed by how funny he seemed to think he was.

"I've got to go," she told him when the elevator doors opened. FitzSimmons was standing there waiting to meet her and escort her to the new interview room. Natasha could read on the doctors' faces that they were doing their very best to look professional. Still, their glances at her were lasting a little too long.

"You watched the recap," she stated finally, wanting the truth to be out already.

"No, no, we didn't watch the recap," Simmons said in the telltale pace that made it clear she was trying to be comforting.

"We just... watched the live feed," Fitz explained, knowing better than to give her half truths and clearly unsure of how she would react. She nodded, knowing none of them really knew what to say about the whole thing.

"They really shouldn't have made such a big deal about it," Simmons finally said as she pulled out the first file. Dr. Garner had finally authorized FitzSimmons to handle the more indepth paperwork for Natasha so long as they promised to film everything and get good records. It was already pretty clear she wasn't going to be willing to answer him. Instead, he was standing outside of the room watching them through a two-sided mirror and sending Simmons prompts for questions that weren't on the paper. Meanwhile, the spy promised to pretend she was talking to them as a friend so that the process could go along more smoothly. It made it easier on the amount of time they had too, since this meant she and Fitz could also get the samples and measurements they needed for the final memory recovery project. Lakely had left them with ideas to develop so they made the best use of their time with Natasha. "He says I should ask you how you feel about what happened today." Natasha sighed, doing her best not to glare at him through the glass.

"Disappointed, I guess," she explained as calmly as she could.

"How so?"

"I don't know. Before the interview, I still felt frustrated from this morning. It was like I didn't know to handle myself. I think that's part of the reason Steve and I looked so strange. He was trying to get me to follow through even though I was so uncomfortable."

"Has that ever happened to you before?"

"Never. I've never been camera shy or nervous about anyone's opinion of me. Everything just made me so mad in the moment. I was throwing a tantrum in the dressing room, it was so childish. I've never done anything like that."

"And you think it had something to do with the session earlier this morning?"

"I think it had everything to do with that session."

* * *

"I like to think I can trust you on keeping a secret," Steve started. "At least more than I can trust you on being decent when you don't know how grave a situation really is."

"So you guys are an item?" he asked, only slightly surprised after that interview. It was less fun to believe that it was true, being as how fun it would have been to embarrass them like this if they weren't dating.

"This is serious, Tony."

* * *

There were so many questions to be answered. When asked if she believed herself to be a quiet person, she shook her head. Simmons asked if she thought she was at all lacking in self-interest, which again sound nothing like her. The follow-up question took her a lot of thought.

"Then does this hesitation to talk about yourself stem from a habit of secrecy or something else you can't explain?"

"Both. I guess," she answered finally. It was true that she didn't know how to share some smaller things about herself until she really got to know a person. That mostly came from her instinct to protect any information about herself so that it couldn't be used against her. Yet even when it came to sharing stories about her past, even the ones she could remember, she had to struggle to get specific about anything. It was hard to tell a story for longer than a minute.

The rest of the session wasn't so painful since they managed to keep the questions close to the present. When they didn't, it was clearly taxing for her to answer even basic questions. When asked if she had a happy childhood, she said yes. When asked why she thought so, her mind went blank.

Her memory was clearly becoming more and more selective.

* * *

Tony felt effectively silenced as he stared out at the view of upstate New York. It was probably the last thing he had expected to hear. He knew the Avengers weren't indestructible. This wasn't a new realization. Still, something in the resilience and stubbornness of that assassin, Tony began to believe she was indestructible. She survived so much, even when fighting in leagues without any special machinery, ability or technology. He should have expected it but he just never thought of this nightmarish reality manifesting so soon.

It was bringing memories of his hallucination back a little too clearly. He promised himself he wouldn't lose his team without a fight.

"Tony?" Steve asked, worried the silence was lasting a little too long. Sure, he knew Tony wouldn't joke about this but he was taking this hit pretty hard. As far as the soldier could remember, he and Natasha weren't exactly best friends.

"So, what? She's just dying? That's all you know?" he asked, still unclear.

"I don't know. No one knows, but it's seeming that way and she seems to think it could be true. She's spending hours each day with the doctors now and they don't exactly seem very optimistic."

"I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't. You should have checked with us before that interview."

"Fury scheduled it with me. Does he know about this?" That made Steve take pause. Fury knew, he was willing to bet Fury knew. Natasha wouldn't keep something so important from him and Fury was probably the reason she was able to assemble this medical team. Why did he let them go through with the interview? "He should have told me. What are we going to do? The team's going to want to know."

"Natasha doesn't want anyone to know. I'm breaking her trust just by telling you this."

"We can't keep this a secret, Cap. After everything, do you think the team would forgive us? Barton would kill us himself if anything happened to her and he wasn't-"

"Nothing's going to happen," Steve asserted. Tony wasn't just going to sit still.

"I'm going to get a hold of those files. I'll see if anyone in my network can come up with a solution."

"Tony, she wants privacy."

"Rogers, she might be dying. This is more serious than a matter of privacy. This is life or death."

Tony opted to spend the night at the Shed, with a promise of installing F.R.I.D.A.Y. in the house's hardware as an excuse. Natasha could hardly find it in her to care anymore after the long session she had. She felt like there were snakes wrapped around her head, tightening as time went on. It was more than a simple headache, it was a mixture of tiredness and agitation that exceeded her usual high tolerance levels. Tony's presence was nothing in comparison.

She did, however, note the strangeness of the gesture when Tony gave her a hug upon her arrival back at the team's apartment. She was pretty sure he'd never done that before. He'd apologized to her about the interview too, which she knew she would have to ask serious questions about later. She was definitely sure he never apologized to her, or possibly anyone, before.

* * *

That night, a familiar man came in the form of a dream to her as the dead man he was. It was her man, the man she'd loved more than anyone she'd ever loved in her life as far as she could remember. She imagined the plane crash, recalling the pictures they had shown her. In her dream, she was so surrounded by thoughts of him that she could not breathe. She thought of his last moments and what they must have been like. She would never know for sure, they could never find his body. He was gone forever.

The dream made her relive his loss. Her greatest comfort in waking would be that she was able to forget him completely in the day time. In this, she knew he wouldn't haunt her with the choices she'd made. She'd never have to relive his memory outside of her dreams again. Her conscious feelings of pain and loss were done, even if no one would ever hear about what she had with him. No one would ever believe her, anyway. As she remembered it, she'd tried to speak up about it before.

Upon waking, Natasha felt sure she had just been reliving her relationship with Banner. She was just having a twisted nightmare, she told herself. She tried to fool herself that everything was the same and her dreams were just taunting her but they weren't and she couldn't escape the truth. Banner's loss affected her, yes. It affected her more than she ever realized it did. She couldn't hold on to the hope that he was alive because she knew what that useless hope did to a person. That kind of empty hope drove her to rage so many years ago. It made her into her own personal brand of monster.

Banner wasn't the first time she lost someone that way. He was not the first man she mourned, he was just the last.

The first was a man who was everything to her in a time when she had nothing. He was her first love, her favorite accident and her perfect match. He was that long standing light in her life, one important person who helped her resist the hold her organization had on her. He turned her into a widow at the young age of 18. It was partly grief that helped make her into the relentless monster she became. Just when she thought she had escaped the feeling forever, it was haunting her again.

* * *

 _New chapter later today, it'll be a big one. I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think. Reviews are love!_


	11. The Red Guardian

The next morning, every part of the spy's nightmare was forgotten. She rose as she always did, relaxed and unbothered by anything other than her thoughts on the interview she'd seen the previous day. Looking in the mirror, she was startled by the sight of her swollen eyes and the tear marks on her face.

Since when did she cry in her sleep?

Studying her reflection, she recalled memories of waking abruptly in the middle of the night over a nightmare she couldn't even remember now. Wiping at her eyes, she tried to hide any trace of her woe, unable to remember what could have possibly scared her to tears when she couldn't even remember the last time she cried over anything real.

Leaving her room dressed for the day, she searched for breakfast only to run into the last person she wanted to see in that moment. Natasha and Steve hadn't really exchanged words since they watched the interview. She wasn't exactly sure if she had anything to say about it. Certainly, she couldn't say anything that would help. It was better to move on.

Unfortunately, he noticed something was wrong when he looked at her. "Were you crying?" he asked, clearly baffled just by the thought.

"What? No," she answered as if he was accusing her. She went to reach for the shelf where her bars were stacked, and he went over her head to reach it for her instead, knowing the shelf was above her head. He usually took the opportunity just to remind her that she was shorter than him, one of the few things he liked to be smug about since it wouldn't always have been true about him. Being this close to her, he could see it in her eyes.

"You were crying. Are you alright?" he asked, trying to figure out what she could possibly be so worried about so early in the morning.

"I wasn't crying," she explained, already exasperated that he wouldn't believe her. His look of concern grew into one of deep pity. Oh no. "Steve, I promise I'm fine," she said, leaning back against the shelf before staring him in the eyes so he would believe she wasn't lying. It was too late, she could tell he was worried about her. She could only guess he was going to write it off as regarding her supposed illness.

That lie was really never going to stop costing her. In that moment, with their eyes locked on each other's to see who was the most stubborn between them, stubborn enough to prove they were right, they didn't even notice they had company.

"This could have something to do with why everyone believes you are both in a relationship," Vision observed objectively, standing next to Tony who was grinning so widely that it looked like Christmas had come early for him. Immediately, the pair took a step away from each other, with Natasha deciding she would have her bar in her room by herself.

From that moment on, Steve was quiet with her. It was a Saturday so most of the team had time off and Natasha spent most of the day with FitzSimmons or in her room by herself. It seemed as though Steve and Tony were sneaking off most of the weekend for some project. She couldn't tell what it was but it looked like they had made up after the interview. Tony was still generally acting strange around her so she made sure to avoid the pair of them when she would. She knew Steve's silence wasn't out of anger this time around. At one point, later in the day, they walked down the hall of the office floor together and neither of them said a word until Natasha spoke up when she noticed Sally glaring daggers at her.

"What's up with her?"

"I may or may not have followed your advice with a few people before the interview happened." Silence followed again as Natasha realized she was getting some heavy stares whenever she stood around Steve. She never thought her advice, telling him to lie about being in a relationship with someone, would come back and cost her at all. They stopped talking again and she assumed it had to do with their mutual embarrassment. She let it go, thinking they would just need time.

It wasn't until Monday in the afternoon that they went back to their usual routine, right after the first half of their training day. They were discussing whether or not they wanted to use a training simulation Fitz had made. Steve and the rest of the team were dying to try one but in private Natasha was showed concern that the team wasn't ready for it, pointing out their weakness. They were still struggling to learn a few strategies they hadn't taken up much time teaching them yet. Before the conversation could go on, an employee walked in, handing Steve the phone.

"We're on our way," he answered after a minute before handing the phone back. "That was Hill. We're needed in Sector 14, let's go."

* * *

"Have either of you ever heard about the Red Guardian?" Hill asked as they approached. Natasha nodded though Steve shook his head. "He was like a Russian equivalent of you, Cap. The Soviet Union decided it needed a hero of its own, this guy popped up out of nowhere like some poor man's version of you." Hill explained quickly. "He became a really big deal especially once you were frozen. He was around for decades in the public eye and no one ever found out who he really was. Come the collapse of the Soviet Union, he just disappeared."

"Why?" Natasha asked.

"We think he might be the man we just took into custody. He came here to turn himself in. His DNA matched a sample SHIELD kept in the database. They're the same person. He claims his name is Alexei Shostakov." That name took the wind out of Natasha before she could even recognize it.

"And he just turned himself in?" Steve asked. Ignoring them, Natasha immediately rushed past the other agent and made her way into the interrogation room. There were a bunch of agents standing around on the glass side of a two sided mirror. It reminded her of the one they set up for her upstairs. She peered through the thick glass and saw a face that would now be embedded in her memory. He was not always so easily recalled, especially since this morning she would never have been able to remember him. From the last time she saw him, he had barely aged a few years.

 _That's impossible._ Natasha didn't move from the glass, staring at him like he would disappear any second. Behind her, Hill requested that all of the other agents leave. Turning to Steve, Natasha tried her luck with getting him to go too. "I've got this," she said, trying her best to sound calm. "I've met him before. It's a long story. I'll tell you later. Go take care of the team and I'll meet you down there in an hour." Steve seemed to take her word for it. As soon as he was away, Natasha turned to Hill.

"I need you to call my medical team down, now," she told her. The strange desperation in her eyes spurred Hill's immediate reaction. She picked up her phone and left, leaving Natasha alone on the other side of the glass, staring at the man who was once her husband.

Once inside, the doctors began asking the confused agent questions, knowing better than to let her fall into silence. Natasha had started in on these habitual silences during their last meeting. They learned the pattern behind that behavior. Whenever she remembered something too specific about her past, she would climb further and further into her thoughts, not reacting to anyone if she wasn't forced to come back to the real world. Her mind would swallow her if they didn't force her out of her reverie.

"Natasha, I know you're upset but you have to explain. What's happening? Why did you call us?" The spy nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard her name. She forgot she wasn't alone. Simmons' voice was getting through to her but she couldn't form enough words to answer her well.

"He's supposed to be dead," she answered, still not taking her eyes off the glass. Her world was made small until it was just him, herself and the glass between them. Everything about him was familiar. His wavy brown hair was the biggest standout. She could recall memories of telling him to cut it shorter though now she could see it suited him best. His blue eyes were bright and alive as ever, she could almost forget he was supposed to be a dead man.

"Who is he?" she heard one of the women ask. She didn't know how to explain.

"We were married, I think," she answered hesitantly, shaking her head as she stared at him. "I could hardly remember anything about him before but now that he's here I think I'm supposed to know more than I do. I don't think that can really be him though, I remember him dying years ago."

"How did he die?" The questions were pulling her out of her daze and pushing her to action.

"I don't know. None of this makes any sense. I need to talk to him. I'm going to go in there."

"Agent Romanoff, what are you going to say to him?" She shrugged. "You need to have a plan before you go." She knew Simmons was right. That was a basic part of her training. She should have known better, but the questions she was raising in her thoughts were compelling her towards him. Almost immediately, she hurried through the door and shut it behind her. She didn't even greet him, burying her feelings deep and waiting for him to speak first.

The man smiled upon seeing her like she was the best part of his day. On the inside, she had to resist cringing over the involuntary butterflies in her stomach from seeing him smile at her like that. She recognized his smile all too well. It panicked her too. He smiled like they knew each other so well and she didn't even know what to think of it.

"Natalia," he sighed out as if he'd just been waiting to see her. "I was hoping they'd let me talk to you but I didn't expect to see you so soon." He ran a hand through his hair and Natasha felt strangely at ease around him already. His accent was so very strong, like he'd been in Russia and never left. She recognized his voice like she would her favorite song. Everything about him was just so immediately comforting, it made her more at a loss for words. "You haven't changed a bit," he tried. He knew the silence was getting uncomfortable and he didn't know what else to do. Finally, he sighed out as she sat down across from him. "I know, you must be surprised."

That understatement snapped her out of her silence.

"Are you serious?" she quipped, stunned. He winced. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was talking to a ghost.

"Before you get mad, I want to tell you I know you have every reason to be upset. I promise you I didn't mean to show up like this. Really. I wanted to give you more time but I was afraid I'd miss you if I didn't act fast." She now that if she kept quiet, maybe he would just keep talking. "I looked for you, you know. I know that's going to sound crazy right now but it's true." No answer. "They wouldn't tell me how to find you. I kept trying but it was impossible. I didn't know you were going by Black Widow, I thought that was just a shared code name. Over the years, any trace of you just disappeared. I had no way of finding you. After a while, I just thought you were dead." He wasn't getting any kind of reaction from her so he couldn't tell if she was confused or angry. "When the Union fell, I stopped keeping up with the news, even when it came to the Avengers. I went into hiding. I never heard about you until saw your face on TV a few days ago and I had to come find you."

"You're supposed to be dead," she said finally, unsure of why he wasn't explaining that yet.

"It's a really long story."

"How can they think you're the Red Guardian? That is impossible. He went into hiding when we were still kids," she said, wondering how he'd passed the DNA test and fooled the other agents.

"What?" She didn't understand where his confusion stemmed from so she didn't answer him. He stared at her for a few minutes before finally the question slipped out. "How long ago do you think I died, Natalia?"

"My name is Natasha," she corrected him, sick of hearing him call her that already.

"How long?" She stared at him, unsure of why he was demanding such an answer from her.

"Two months after we got married. Twelve, thirteen years ago. Why?"

"How old do you think you are?" he asked, clearly confused. Something in his face made it clear she wasn't going to like what he had to say. Before he could explain, she got up out of her chair and made for the door.

* * *

Natasha eventually came to the conclusion on her own that this wasn't just a nightmare. It was confirmed when Simmons approached her in the Shed, trying her best to convince her to give the interrogation another try the next day. The spy agreed in the end just to get the doctor to go away. Not once did Natasha move from lying with her back flat on the couch again from then on, not unless it was to bring something back to that spot. Another silent hour passed as she skimmed the only magazine in the room that didn't have a headline mentioning her or Steve, downing the last of the tequila she found in their liquor cabinet. It had been full when she started, which was about ten minutes ago. Somehow, she'd dried the whole bottle and felt nothing hit her at all.

She heard the elevator ding, announcing someone's arrival, and immediately put the magazine over her face and played dead on the couch, hoping whoever it was would take the hint and go away.

"Someone's really bad at hiding," Steve remarked, plucking the magazine off of her and taking it for himself to see what she was reading. "I didn't know you read this." She hardly even knew what she was reading, so she reached a hand out to turn the cover her way and see the title.

"Yeah, I'm all about… _Teen Vogue_. How else am I supposed to find out if I'm a summer or an autumn?" she asked sarcastically, smiling up at the ceiling over her own joke, confused as to why Steve didn't notice. Turning her head towards him, she saw him lifting the tequila bottle.

"Wasn't this new?"

"Yup…" He left his seat for a moment. She heard the fridge door open and shut. Moments later, he was at her side, standing over her and reaching her a bottle of water. She couldn't help but laugh, knowing that if she had actually been drunk he would have forced her to chug the water then and there. "No need. Fun fact about the superbars, it appears that they make it almost impossible to get drunk." He grimaced, not wanting to mention why but knowing exactly how she felt. He remembered trying to drink off his problems when Bucky died. It was a sad side effect of the serum. "You remember that ancient liquor Thor brought us during that party? Do you think he left any behind? Maybe that would work."

"What's wrong, Natasha?"

"Pass."

"I'm serious."

"So am I. That is just about the worst question you could ask," she warned him. He wasn't letting up, though, so she stared up at the ceiling and decided it was best to tell the truth for once. "The man in that interrogation room. I didn't just know him. We were married once."

"You were what?"

"Married. Yes," she answered. She could tell he was still waiting for answers. She didn't have any for him. "In summary: up until two hours ago, I thought I was a widow. Then my dead husband turned up in our interrogation room, calling me Natalia and trying to convince me that he is the Red Guardian, a Russian superhero. He's here talking crazy when he's supposed to be dead. I mean, it's only natural to expect him to be dead if he's been dead for over 10 years, but he's here all of a sudden and he still wants to talk to me. He is sitting in one of our containment rooms waiting for me to go and talk to him. Tell me, Steve, do you ever wonder why things just can't be normal for us?"

"You're not making any sense, Romanoff," he said finally. "Especially for someone who's sober."

"Story of my life."

* * *

 _Hope you liked it. Special thanks to my reviewers! :)_


	12. It's Like Talking About The Weather

_I was having a little bit of writer's block up until I started writing in Steve's POV. I guess it was just time to hear more from him._

* * *

As much as Steve wanted an explanation, he couldn't justify pushing on the subject anymore when thinking about Shostakov was clearly making her this upset. He spoke to her from the kitchen, looking over their week's schedule. She was talking about their last training session, mentioning the still lingering mistakes she was catching on the team. There was one large problem coming to mind for her during the simulation tests and she couldn't help but voice her thoughts to Steve before deciding what to do about it.

Keeping score on paper, Natasha had realized when it came to helping each other and covering each other, the men on the team tended to cover Wanda more than they would each other. "I have nothing against chivalry but it's affecting her training."

"I can see your point. Her biggest problem is watching her back. With everyone stepping in to take the punch for her, I don't think she's seeing the problem."

"Yeah, I get that they're all stepping in because she's a kid but she has to take a few punches to see her instincts need to sharpen up. Otherwise, she can't grow and that won't be fair to her. Everyone else has learned after a bad day or two, we need to at least allow her her turn. Who knows? She could surprise us."

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you." Natasha was watching the training footage on her monitor, watching the class she had missed while interrogating Alexei.

Once again, Steve wanted to speak up and ask about that but force his mouth shut. A few minutes later, he found a simulation in their selection that would fix their problem for at least a few training sessions. As he moved to show her, he walked to the other side of the couch only to find Natasha lying there with the tablet still playing the violent images of the training session, fast asleep. He wondered briefly how the sound of combat was able to lull her to sleep when she didn't seem so tired before.

"This speaks volumes about you, Romanoff," he joked to himself under his breath, taking the tablet out of her hands carefully so it wouldn't weigh her down. He figured the stress finally got to her when she crashed. Shutting off the video, he put the tablet down on the coffee table and made a note to wake her up before the team got back in. She would never forgive him for leaving her there.

Silently, he tried to make himself some coffee and moved to leave for his room when he spotted Tony entering. Just as the man was about to open his mouth, Steve gestured for him to stay silent. Nodding, Tony followed Steve out to through the other door of the kitchen to the balcony. From outside, he could make out Natasha asleep on the couch.

"Just an update, I think I've found Banner. If I'm right, he's on his way to New York. He'll be able to contact Dr. Cho. Maybe she can check what's wrong with Natasha."

"You brought Banner into this?" Steve asked, raising his voice a little.

"Look, I felt bad about interrupting his time off but this is important." Rolling his eyes, Steve knew he should have expected this kind of thing. Maybe Tony and Bruce were close in the lab - they seemed to be the only ones who could understand their incomprehensible language while they were working - but Tony didn't seem to have a clue about Bruce as a person. Especially if he didn't realize the serious conflict of interest. He was never one for paying attention. "I don't know why you're not thanking me right now."

"Tony, have you ever noticed anything going on between Natasha and Bruce? Anything at all in the last few months?" The 'genius' was silent for a long time before his eyes widened.

"That went right over my head. Wait, they were-...No, I did not see that coming. Are you joking?"

"So you can see why bringing Banner in on a project regarding Natasha's private information - which we're essentially stealing by the way - is possibly the worst idea you've had since Ultron?"

"Could you not? I've apologiz-"

"Focus, Tony."

"I tracked a dead man down, damn it. I'm not just going to tell him to go back into hiding because of a messy breakup."

"You wanna talk dead men, Tony? Today, Natasha spoke to her husband for the first time in ten years. Ten years ago, when he died. This is a really, really bad time."

Tony blinked at him. "I don't even need to ask you to explain anymore. This is how twisted we've gotten! Talking about people coming back from the dead is like talking about the weather. What do we do now? We need Banner to talk to Helen. She's still too shaken over Seoul to talk to me and her lab is still rebuilding."

"We'll talk to Hill, maybe she'll know what to do."

"Why haven't we told her?"

"Natasha wanted it to stay a secret and I can see why."

"I don't understand how you can be so calm about this. Steve, she thinks she's dying and she's not calling these people herself. She hasn't told the new team or the old one, she won't even tell Clint. She's in denial, Cap, and letting her stay that way isn't going to help her get any better." Looking through the glass at Nat sleeping there peacefully, he wondered if Tony was right. She never was one to ask for help. He'd seen her close to passing out enough times this week to know she resisted looking like she'd ever need. Maybe that's what this was all about. She acted like it was nothing because she didn't want to think she needed help. He sighed out, knowing they'd have to move forward with a plan.

"Come, I know something that can help us," he said, leading Tony to the elevators and up to the doctors' floor.

* * *

They walked in just in time to catch Simmons on her laptop and Fitz on a tablet reading test results.

"So all signs point to today's trial working?" Fitz asked, putting a cup of tea to his lips and waiting for an answer.

"Every simulation we've run has worked. We're missing a few factors but this might shortcut the process. If we're lucky, that is." She looked up from her laptop at the pair that had just entered the room. "Fitz."

"What? I'm listening-" he said, still typing a note into his tablet when he finally bothered to look up. Steve could only hope he wouldn't drop the tablet or the coffee. Tony wasn't helping by staying silent.

"I just wanted to introduce you two to a friend of mine, Dr. Fitz, Dr. Simmons, this is -" They both nodded with wide eyes, clearly very aware of who they were talking about. This was probably the introduction they were least ready for. Putting down the coffee, Fitz offered a handshake which Tony took and it was clear to Steve they weren't prepared for this with how shaken Fitz looked. Simmons was a little slower to her feet. As soon as she shook hands with Tony, the two of them went into tangents about Tony's best work.

"-Oh, and the suit's great too. Very awesome," Fitz concluded. They were both so flustered Tony immediately got the same impression as Natasha and Steve, warmed especially since he could speak the same language as they did. While they spoke animatedly, Tony took in the tech set up of the floor, searching for the wires of the room to see where he could find a weak spot to hack their network.

Before they could actually try to interrogate the doctors as Steve had planned, there was the sound of a door somewhere.

"Hey Simmons," Steve knew that voice anywhere, Natasha must have woken up soon after they left. Tony met his eyes and they both worked to find an excuse. Her voice was still far but it continued speaking as it got closer. "I totally forgot to ask you. This week, the boys are going out for some boy's night and Wanda and I were hoping to invite you to-"

Natasha stared at the two Avengers in the room, a bit startled to see them there. "Is there a reason you boys are here giving my friends a heart attack or is this just sport?" She wasn't going to call them her doctors in front of Tony, and she didn't think it was too soon to call them friends. She'd started talking to them on her off-time. They were the only people who knew her secrets, so she felt like they were a comfort to talk to.

"I just wanted to introduce him to FitzSimmons. With Fitz's new simulations making his look so outdated, I thought the competition might be good for Tony to know he's not the best at everything," Steve said. He hoped Tony knew the jab was his revenge for the Banner idea. Natasha seemed to accept the lie, and he could only be grateful he was becoming a better liar. They were about to move out when Simmons spoke up.

"I hate to ask, but is there any word about Banner yet?" Tony looked at Steve like he was stuck in a trap and needed help. He knew he had to pick between lying about Banner and causing rumors or distracting Natasha from her own worries by admitting the truth when Steve had warned him against it. Steve had to make the choice for himself and he could only hope he made the right one.

"Yeah, he's alive. He's coming back to work in the Avengers tower," he said. The doctors cheered on the news and the two men could only force smiles. Steve kept his eyes mostly on Natasha and he could tell he'd made the wrong choice. Her face was a frozen neutral, her eyes like hard steel. She looked like she was actively working to keep her eyes ahead.

"Nice to know he's not dead," she said simply, and there was this small forced smile on her lips that made Steve regret telling the truth and picking that over protecting her. She was going through enough. "You guys ready for the trial?" she asked the doctors suddenly. The two nodded and said their goodbyes to the other two Avengers, waiting for them to go. Fitz followed them to the elevator and when the doors closed they could hear them locking the floor so that the elevator wouldn't let anyone back.

They went down only two floors before Tony called on FRIDAY to override the system and take them back up. It took him a few words to do it, and Steve made a note to address that security breach another day. It happened a little too fast to be appropriate. They quietly made their way back to the floor, approaching the operation room and being met with a closed door and a mirror rather than a glass. Tony did another override on the glass settings and made the mirror shine back on the surgery room and turn their mirror to glass so they could see inside.

They hadn't missed much. Natasha was lying on the hospital bed, still with a glassy-eyed look on her face that made Steve wonder what she was thinking about that was causing her so much pain. He still had no idea what had happened with her and Banner and curiosity never hit him so hard as it did now. Natasha's wrist was handcuffed to the bedside, and instead of pulling she grabbed the handle she was handcuffed to and held onto it tightly. Simmons set her up with music to listen to and it was clear she was letting her thoughts get away with the music as she didn't react to anything they did to her. Steve watched as they injected her a few times while Tony turned away, confessing to how much he still hated needles. The two doctors watched their monitors and put sensors on her, and already Steve wished he knew what this all pointed to.

It was a long procedure. They tried many different things and finally they gave her a dose of the final serum before watching her carefully. Immediately, Steve could see she was in pain when she was pulled out of her thoughts. She did not move and she did not grip the handle any tighter, she just waited. When it was clear the pain was too much, she gripped the handle a little tighter, clearly still resisting the pain though her body was trembling.

"Natasha, you have to tell us what you're feeling," they reminded her loudly.

They heard a quiet voice from her. "Pull the plug," she sighed out, clearly holding back a cry. "It's not working." They grabbed her arms to hold her down, making her body still and soothing her of some of her pain.

"We can't make it stop but it's almost over," they warned her, giving her more anesthetic and hoping for the best. Before long, she stopped shaking and sat up, panting over the breath she'd been holding since the serum had start its effects.

"I don't understand, Fitz, this was meant to pull out the artificial components in her and it didn't turn up anything. If we know for a fact that it's there, why didn't the serum work?" Simmons asked.

Checking the monitor, Fitz sighed out. "It's resisted completely. It's got a built-in self defense. Whatever's messing with her is smart. Her blood resists any alterations. The cure won't go through."

Pulling out her earphones carefully, Natasha looked at them both questioningly. "Just give me the bad news," she told them. Fitz was merely going to repeat himself when a new reading came up on his screen. He sighed out, clearly disappointed.

"Whatever is in there seems to have a self-destruct function. If we try harder to get rid of it, it will self-destruct and-" he stopped, hesitating.

"And? Fitz, just tell me."

"And take you with it," he finished. Tony and Steve gave each other a look. So, she was facing life or death.

"Your best chance is talking to Alexei and finding out what happened to you," Simmons said finally.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Natasha answered.

"He seems to have answers that are helping put us on the right track. He seems like a good enough guy-" Fitz's eyes flickered up at Simmons. They knew nice didn't necessarily mean trustworthy, they had learned that lesson the hard way once. "We'll have to tread carefully."

Having heard enough, Tony and Steve made their way out silently. They were just early enough that they didn't get caught. They made their way to the second floor as Tony told Steve he'd found a way to plan a hack of the doctor's files. Just as Steve was about to refuse, they found Fury waiting at the elevator doors. "I was just about to come find you, Captain. You've got homework." The director handed him a large file about two inches thick.

"What is it?"

"Alexei Shostakov, ever heard of him?"

"Just yesterday. Why?"

"We've been interrogating him and we think he might be a good recruit for your New Avengers. We'll need you and Barton to have these files looked over as soon as possible."

"Barton?"

"He's on his way now. I've trusted his call once, I'd like to think I can do it again. I expect a full report from both of you in three days." Tony stared down at the file and shook his head as Fury left them.

"That's the dead husband isn't it?"

"Yup."

"There is no such thing as a normal day around here," he observed bitterly, pressing the button on the elevator to go up to the Avengers Mansion.

* * *

 _I hope you liked it! Please review. Reviews are love! Special thanks to my reviewers from the last chapter._


	13. Chapter 13

They were at the Mansion reading the files for about an hour until Tony finally stood up, took his papers and started making for the elevator. Left without a choice, Steve followed him and they began searching for Alexei in the lower floors of the building, forcing them to ask around for where to find him. Soon enough, they located him sitting in a lounge with Fitz as the doctor finished tampering with a thick bracelet on the man's wrist.

"There," Fitz said as he pulled away from the gadget. "Do you want me to explain how the bracelet works?"

"If I run, I get my ass handed to me. I know what house arrest is," the man answered with a chuckle.

"Well, there's also a call button if you have an emergency or if you need anything and it'll allow you into certain rooms around the base if you want to look around," Fitz answered, clearly trying to make it sound less pessimistic.

"I'm not complaining. It's better than sitting in the holding cell. This way, I get cable," he answered, gesturing with the remote in his hand to the TV a few feet away from his seat. He kept his eyes glued to the screen. He was still flipping through, trying to find a channel not blaring out news reports.

"Good point. Agent Romanoff will be meeting with you tomorrow, Simmons and I will be there too."

"Great. Thanks for your help, Dr. Fitz," he answered politely. He wasn't exactly outright friendly, he seemed a bit hesitant around everyone but he never seemed to be anything less than polite.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do," he answered, standing up and excusing himself, sending the other two a quiet nod before going on his way. Alexei turned around to see who Fitz was looking at, a bit surprised to see the two of them just standing there.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" he asked politely, pausing the TV and awaiting an answer.

"Just wanted to meet the new kid in town," Tony said. Alexei raised an eyebrow when he noticed they wouldn't sit, extend a hand or even smile while introducing themselves. He wondered if this would be a warning or a threat of some kind. He was getting tired of the hostility. "How are you settling in?"

"Fine, I guess."

"Enjoying your stay?"

"I've only been here a few hours." The man was unreadable.

"Right. What are you up to?" Giving Tony a glance over, Alexei's face twisted a bit as if he was uncomfortable with the line of questioning already.

"I don't mean to sound rude but this feels a bit awkward. Did I do something wrong or is this just another interrogation? I've already said I'm willing to cooperate."

"No, we're just chatting," Tony answered, "but let's get down to the real questions. What was Romanoff like when you were married?" Steve was immediately disappointed, having underestimated Tony's immaturity and assumed that his line of questioning was going to be serious. Alexei looked baffled by the question too. Clearly a little nervous, Alexei huffed out a sigh, shrugged and shook his head.

"I don't know, I guess….well, we were both very young but she made a good job of acting like she was always in control. I don't know what you're looking for here."

"The gory details. You look like a kid. How old are you?"

"I get that a lot," he answered with a chuckle, as if it was some inside joke for him. "I'm actually three years older than her. I was 21, she was 18 when we married."

"Wow, that is really young."

"Well, it was arranged. The KGB really wasted no time, especially with her reputation at the time."

"Her reputation?"

"Natasha was very special to her operation. When she graduated, she started immediately making a name for herself."

"Right, as Black Widow."

"No, she was still a dancer at this point." The two men blinked at him.

"But she said she doesn't dance," said Tony, sparing a glance at Steve to see if he was wrong about that.

"She hates dancing," Steve confirmed, knowing she tended to react strongly whenever anyone mentioned dancing to her.

"Oh, I never said she liked it. She hated dancing. Well, really, she hated ballet. She liked dancing to show off and she was good at it but she really hated her job."

"Didn't know you three to be such gossips," Natasha spoke up from behind them. When they turned, they saw the agent standing there, staring down at them and clearly very agitated. Though she tried to mask her anger, it radiated off of her. In seconds, she was gone down the hallway, looking as if she was still in control but Steve knew better than to believe that after what she heard. While Tony was slightly frightened by her anger, Steve could only feel guilty for having pried into her history and not stopping Tony when he could have. Looking at Alexei, he realized he wasn't the only one feeling guilty.

* * *

Natasha seemed to disappear into thin air after that. A few short minutes after she'd walked in on their conversation, Steve excused himself, wanting to go look for her. Tony was still talking to Alexei, who was still surprised she was angry. Clearly, he'd known a different side of her. In his surprise, Tony was taking advantage and trying to get more talk out of him. The stranger was seeming like a nice enough guy, but Steve had a different priority in mind.

Asking around, he found enough agents who saw Natasha pass by but not any that knew where she actually was. Searching in her favorite hiding spots, he still had no luck so finally he tried the outdoor balconies before finding her on the third floor balcony.

"Not in the mood, Cap," she told him patiently. He normally would have given in but this time he felt like he had something to say. He was having a whole conversation with her in his head, testing out the possibilities, saying things aloud he normally didn't dare to and giving her the comfort it seemed she needed though he knew she'd be okay without him. Out loud, he wasn't speaking, just changing his expression as he tried to decide what he should say. Natasha seemed to take it as him debating something. "If you're thinking about hugging me again, I would have to advise against it. I haven't gotten over the last invasion of my personal space."

That cracked Steve out of his silence in a booming laugh. "You want to talk about personal space?" He gave her a pointed stare, reminding her he had a mental list of how many times she tried to make him uncomfortable just for the sake of making him uncomfortable. She seemed to take his boundaries as play things. At first, he used to think it was just a sign she thought of people like toys, which filled him with distrust for her and her methods, but he began to realize it was just another quality about her. She liked to poke at boundaries for jokes and, over time, he didn't mind as much as he thought he would.

"Okay, okay. You win. We shouldn't rehash history," she answered him quietly, her hands in the air to signal her surrender. "I make no promise of safety if you hug me though."

"What would you do?" he challenged, sitting next to her.

"Kick your ass, of course," she answered quickly, still not turning to him. "Or did you mean specifically? I have to say I have wondered which of us would win in a fight. I'm pretty sure Rhodey and Sam have placed bets on it already."

"I've never thought of it. I know all of your moves, though, so it probably wouldn't be too hard."

"I promise you, Rogers, you couldn't even imagine all of my moves." He smiled at her. "You don't believe me? Well fine, let's think about it this way. You couldn't hit a girl if you tried. I've never seen you do it. I don't think you would dare and you don't like to play dirty either. So the advantage is completely in my favor, super-soldier." He tilted his head considering her answers, before being brought out of his thoughts when she turned to him. "Then again, I did just catch you playing sidekick for Tony and asking about me."

"About that, that was just-"

"A total invasion of privacy. It didn't seem like it was work-related either, unless my dance background is about to become pertinent to training." Steve was going to explain Fury's orders but kept quiet knowing that thoughts of Alexei joining the Avengers would only put more on her shoulders with everything that had already happened today. The man only just arrived this morning. She was probably still processing things. Steve wasn't really one for lying, but he knew he had to make an exception this time.

"Tony was pushing and I didn't stop him. I'm sorry. I guess we were just curious. You don't say a lot about your past."

"I'm sure you wouldn't either if it weren't plastered up in museum exhibits," she countered, getting up and heading down the stairs. He followed her back down and she knew she couldn't outrun him so she waited for him to catch up and kept speaking. "I don't hide because I feel like it. It's just not great or easy looking back. Given what you already know about, you've already got an idea of what I've been through. I don't know why anyone would need or want to know anything more. It's hard enough to get people to trust me as it is."

"I understand that." He could tell she didn't believe him and he wasn't sure she was wrong for it. He didn't always understand why she was such a secretive person. The more she revealed, the more he began to understand it. He just wished she'd be more open with him. "If you told me, though, I wouldn't see you differently. Whatever you've done before you joined SHIELD is in the past. It's behind you. I wouldn't hold that against you and I do trust you even if I don't know everything about you."

* * *

That was enough at the moment. Maybe it was a result of her long day, maybe it was seeing Alexei the way she did or finding out from FitzSimmons that trying to extract her enhancement could only end in death, but in this moment she felt inclined to trust Steve. She was ready for it too. It took only four words to crack open a path to the truth. _I am an Enhanced._ That's all it would take to start the stream of questions it took to explain everything. Telling the truth about her memory loss, talking about the Red Room, speaking about the KGB. Four words and maybe an apology for her lie about dying and she would be in the clear, more honest with someone than she'd ever been with anyone since Clint.

Then the thought occurred to her.

"Did you tell Tony about my secret?" she asked him suddenly. Once the thought came, it wouldn't go away. There was really no other reason for him to be sticking around like he was. He apologized and hugged her the first night since he showed up. He claimed to be working on FRIDAY but that had already been installed days ago and Tony was still stopping by for no clear reason although he'd claimed to retire from the Avengers. She remembered briefly their presence on FitzSimmons' floor. Taken aback, Steve hesitated to answer.

"I- Of course not. I promised-"

"Liar," she answered him, seeing the truth in his face. Her face immediately paled. He had failed at keeping that secret, she could not trust him with another. "Did you tell anyone else? Did he tell anyone?"

"No." She could tell he lied again.

"Who, Steve? Who did he tell?"

"Natasha, just listen to me-"

"I don't want to hear it. Who else did he tell, Steve?"

"Banner. He told Banner. That's why he's on his way back. Tony told him because he wanted him to get us in contact with Dr. Cho. We just wanted to help."

"Dr. Helen can't help me and neither can any of you so you can just tell them to go back home," she told him, ignoring the guilt he inflicted on her just by the look on his face. It was hard to make him feel bad but maybe he deserved it this time. She had nearly made the mistake of trusting him with her biggest secret. Resisting the urge to speak her thoughts, she walked off in the direction of the garage, looking to go on a ride in her bike before returning to the Avengers Mansion. It was getting dark but she needed the fresh air to think before she could even hope to sleep.


	14. Alexei's Interview

Natasha made it home at midnight, heading right for her room when the team stopped her.

"Hey Natasha," Sam called her into the conversation. She did her best to cool down in the time it took her to make it to the team in the living room. "Two days until the big split! What are you guys planning to do?" She shared a glance with Wanda before smiling at Sam.

"We'll tell when you tell us about your night," she answered.

"You know, we could still reschedule if you need us to," Steve offered, clearly trying to make amends. The rest of the team seemed to be taking the offer as his attempt at pulling out so she played along. Natasha forced herself to look at him without glaring. There was no point in letting the team find out they were fighting.

"No, we've got a whole day planned out already. You guys have fun." A clear refusal. That was what he needed to get it out of his head that she would feel like talking anytime soon. Smiling and bidding everyone good night, she headed off to her room and locked herself in, hoping for some rest before her meeting with Alexei.

* * *

The sun was far too bright the next morning, almost mocking her inability to sleep well over the past 8 hours. Feeling sluggish, she made her way out to the kitchen, praying that she wouldn't run into Steve. Lucky for her, it was Wanda waiting in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in front of her and the TV turned on to the news.

"You're up early," Natasha said, passing behind her to grab one of her bars.

"Back at you." The ounce of sass in the girl's tone made Natasha smile. She really was happy to have Wanda around, even if they didn't talk much. She felt like the girl had a good sense of humor, considering all she'd been through. "So, what are these great plans we're not telling the others about?"

Crap. Natasha had completely forgotten about the plans. In lying, she forgot they really had never discussed the day before. "Gotta be honest, I have no clue. I wanted to win."

"I still don't know what a girl's night is. I don't think I've ever had one."

"Me neither. I think I went out for drinks with a couple of SHIELD agents last time I went to one. It wasn't all that exciting. I guess we'll just wing it. Maybe Simmons has an idea." Wanda nodded and kept silent, clearly not too optimistic about the night. Neither was Natasha, if she was honest, she just didn't want the boys to look so smug about their night off.

* * *

Training went especially well, better than Natasha had expected. As if proving her place, Wanda really stepped up her game that day. She had been thrown around a few times in the morning as the team began solo training on Steve's orders to isolate Wanda. It took a few hours, but she learned her lesson fast. Soon enough, she was doing as well as the others in covering herself and avoiding hits.

Pretending Natasha wasn't mad made training move along more smoothly for the two leaders. Occasionally, they would sneak a glance at each other in an effort to garner enough courage to speak honestly but they were both still too uneasy to speak about anything other than work. She tried her best not to wish the time would fly by faster, knowing she would soon have to speak to Alexei. She still had no idea what to say to him.

As if reading her thoughts, Steve asked her why she had to speak to him again. He was asking to cover for himself, knowing full well that she had to talk to Alexei to figure out something regarding her illness. "Why do they need you to talk to him?"

"No clue. I guess they're indexing him."

"I thought that was SHIELD's protocol."

"I guess it's ours now," Natasha said with a shrug before heading off.

* * *

Being in a room alone with Alexei was as uncomfortable as she thought it would be in the silence they met while they waited. FitzSimmons was still setting up outside, fixing the mirror so they wouldn't make a mistake again. They'd noticed after yesterday's trial that the programmable two-way mirror had been programmed the wrong way. In the meantime, she tried to avoid looking at him too long, still a bit in shock to his presence. She had so many questions but she knew she had made a plan with FitzSimmons not to seem too much like she was clueless about her history. They were concerned that if he figured that out, they would lose the advantage and he'd be able to feed her lies.

Before the doctors came in, Natasha finally met his eyes and he returned the look, smiling apologetically. She couldn't stop him in time before he started apologizing.

"I am sorry, Natasha. I really didn't think you'd mind. I figured you were all friends. I didn't think I would be telling them anything they didn't already know. You used to hate secrets." Natasha tried not to react to how completely unbelievable that sounded.

"I can hardly remember a time when I didn't need secrets to live," she remarked.

"I know what you mean. Well, I guess you would know it more. I was always the luckier one." He was being sincere but Natasha couldn't resist a sour joke.

"Yeah, until you died."

"Oh yes, I suppose that seems a little unfortunate. I make an attractive corpse though," he answered her with a seemingly serious tone though he smirked. Startled into looking him in the eyes again, she started laughing.

"I've almost forgotten how arrogant you are."

"How could you? It's all you would ever talk about in the time since we've met."

"In my defense, you were irritating."

"Music to my ears. It wasn't a good day until you found some way to complain about me."

"Half the time, I remember us fighting. How did we keep from killing each other?"

"We were left with two options. Either we had each other or we had the KGB. It seemed like an easy choice. Besides, we weren't all bad." Natasha couldn't help but feel a little uneasy on realizing how freeing it was to talk to him. The two doctors knocked to let them know they would be entering and Natasha looked at Alexei to explain quickly.

"FitzSimmons are coming in just to observe. Don't be afraid to say anything in front of them. With them, I don't have any secrets," she told him reassuringly, knowing he might be hesitant to say much considering how angry she was the other day. "Details will help your case if you want the base to trust you. They're matching our stories against each other and recorded history so just be as honest as you can and say whatever comes to mind. This is how we index people now," she lied.

"Index?"

"It's how we base our network of basically anyone important to the Avengers."

"I'm flattered," he joked. The two doctors entered and pulled up chairs, not too close to the table so the other two could have more space. They just took notes, having said they wouldn't ask many questions unless Dr. Garner sent them a message from outside of the interview room. "I hate to touch on the darker stuff but years have always been lost on me," she began when he cut her off with a shake of his head.

"I guess I should have realized that before. You always had that problem, ever since the graduation ceremony. I can only assume it got worse after each update. You still went to those when I died, right?"

"The updates after the ceremony?" Natasha asked, wondering if he'd add any more detail to that answer before she had to ask directly.

"Yeah. Every five years, I think you told me that. When they altered me, they made me go for the same updates, just with less side effects and memory warping. Even when I was dead, I guess I was still the lucky one. I also had to go less often. Every 10 years."

"Why did you take on the identity of the Red Guardian?"

"I didn't really have a choice. I would have taken the job anyway but they made me lie to everyone. My parents thought I was dead almost until the day they died."

"Ronald and Sophie passed?" she asked, clearly not having thought about it enough. He smiled a bit.

"I almost forgot you don't know how much time has passed."

"Just tell me," she prompted him carefully, bracing herself.

"You were born November 22nd, 1942, if that puts it into perspective," he answered as the doctors wrote their notes before watching the exchange. They seemed nervous for Natasha, for good reason as she was a bit shaken by the year reveal. She bit her tongue to keep from saying anything silly. It took her a minute to speak again.

"So you're telling me I was a wife in the 60s?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood and slightly disgusted by the thought. It read on her face, clearly, as Alexei laughed before nodding.

"Don't worry, you weren't very into the idea then either. I'm sure this won't be such a big surprise as it feels now. I'm sure you must have noticed with Ivan aging at a regular rate. Did he defect with you?"

"Yes, right before he died."

"I figured he would. You were his only child, he had a soft spot for you."

"He really cared about you too."

"He was like a second father to me. He was funny, I wouldn't have expected it from such a serious man. He did hate me at first though, just because. Remember? He really did father you, that man." Natasha smiled at the memories that came with his words. Simmons handed her a paper with questions, and she tried to smile at him before reading one to him.

"So why did you choose to reveal yourself now?" she asked carefully.

"A few things. The first was, of course, seeing you in the interview and realizing you were one of the Avengers. I guess with that I realized too much time has passed. I don't want to stay in hiding the rest of my life over a past I had few truly voluntary choices in," he answered after some thought. "You know, when I saw that interview I thought hell had frozen over." He sent her mischievous smile that immediately made her smirk.

"Why?"

"With every way we've been taught to hate that guy," he said, clearly referring to Steve, "burn his posters, mock his words and his legacy so long as the KGB had its hold on us, I guess even when he was brought out of the ice, I never thought I would see you able to be in a room with him. Let alone dating him."

There were so many things in his comment she was still trying to understand. "We must have really hated him," she accepted first. "I didn't remember any of that. Actually, I still don't remember any of that." As an afterthought, she slipped in an answer to his other assumption. "We're also not dating by the way. It was just a very bad interview." He laughed.

"And here, I thought you were being brilliantly spiteful. What better way to stick it to our fallen leaders than dating Captain America when you defect from Russia?" he joked.

"That is a very good point," she noted, looking down at the next question. "How did you become the Red Guardian?"

"Well, fun fact, my plane did crash that night. Every time I think back to it, I realize that might have been staged on purpose. I was picked up out of the mess. They told me they had a mission for me when I was recovering. I agreed to it because they said it would heal me completely. At the time, my injuries were bad enough that I had some kind of complicated trauma I can barely remember."

"Did it fix everything?"

"And then some. They said they were developing this serum to progress super-soldier creation farther than Project Rebirth did with Captain America. I don't think they did what they were planning but they did succeed at making a super-soldier. It made me stronger, faster, a better athlete all around really. Clearly, it slowed my aging. They didn't change anything in my head like they did in the Red Room though." He continued though Natasha wanted him to elaborate on the subject of the Red Room. "It was after the procedure and my training that they told me I'd have to keep my identity secret. They said they'd told you on the day of the crash that I had died and I had no choice but to go along with it. They made it impossible for me to track down anyone and I had to keep my identity a secret. When I started looking for you, they said you had gone off the grid permanently."

"When did you defect?" asked Simmons.

"1989, I believe. I started laying low. Kept my identity a secret and changed my location as often as I could so the KGB couldn't find me. After it dissolved completely, I decided to stay in some quiet town in England. While I was still the Red Guardian, they taught me how to fake the accent well enough so I managed to stay invisible there for a long time." Putting down the list of questions, Natasha relaxed knowing soon they'd end the interview for the day, giving them all a break.

Simmons clearly followed suit, dropping her clipboard on her lap and crossing her arms. "Try it," she challenged, amused.

"Sure," he answered with a chuckle. "What's the next question?"

"Last one. Tell us about your life before the KGB turned you." Clearing his throat, he nodded before starting in on his story.

"My father was a pilot so since I was very young, he trained me to be one too. Flying became my favorite thing to do, so by the time I was old enough to join the Union's test pilots, I was very advanced. It was illegal to have learned that young but they didn't care since it was in their interest." Simmons smiled, clearly impressed by the accent. Just when Natasha was about to compliment him, he continued on in detail. "When I expressed an interest in assisting the KGB, I'll be honest it was for the glory. As soon as I joined, they told - not asked - me to marry Natasha. She wasn't even 18 yet but they were planning the wedding for us and it was supposed to be a big deal because we were both famous by this time. She was this renowned ballerina after just a few tours and they made up this whole story about how we met before we even got to see each other for the first time. We tried punishing each other to get through it. It was just before the wedding that we both realized we were mutually regretting our choice in trying to join the KGB."

Natasha didn't remember most of these details but she let him continue without changing her expression.

"We had an actual relationship by the time we were married, which I guess was very lucky considering the miserable alternative. Our priorities were each other rather than the KGB and I guess they were beginning to sense that. I kept up some guise of being loyal to the organization. They separated us with the crash test. While they had me, I thought I had no choice but to follow their orders. After that, they considered me loyal enough for their project." He finished with a shrug before nodding at Simmons. "How was it?" he asked in his normal accent.

"Eerily flawless," she told him before dismissing the interview and leading everyone out the door. She and Fitz rushed out comparing notes quietly without so much as a glance around. Natasha and Alexei followed them out the room together, Alexei making some joke about his accent that Natasha was laughing at when she looked up. To her immediate surprise, she saw Steve and Clint just on the other side of the two-way mirror.

* * *

 _Any guesses as to how much he heard? I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know how I'm doing. Please review!_


	15. Confessions Part 1

_So, this is my first attempt at countering Natasha's perspective with Steve's on the same day._

* * *

There were no words to how angry Steve wanted to be at Tony. It was certainly a lot easier than blaming himself for his own actions. It was usually very easy for him to accept his blame but this time something was really mucking up that instinct. He wished he were a better liar but he also wished he'd never made the mistake of telling Tony in the first place. Tony had put him in this place where he felt like he was being responsible by ratting Natasha out but now he knew that losing her trust was going to cost them their chances at being able to help her.

Honestly, he knew better than to blame Tony. After Ultron, Steve knew the way the inventor would get when he heard about any of his friends dying. Confronting him had been an honest mistake. He hadn't stopped to think of the consequences that would come in sharing Natasha's secret. It was reasonable to panic in the face of losing someone close to you but that meant that now Steve had to understand he was at fault.

Accepting that felt worse than just spending his anger on blaming Tony. Natasha disappeared for the night and in her absence, though in the company of his team, he couldn't stop thinking back to their conversation and wondering how it went wrong. When she finally returned, he made an attempt at amends in hoping that she'd let it go but she turned down his offer quickly. She didn't seem mad anymore but Steve knew better than to believe appearances.

When he could finally put the topic of that mess to rest as he lay in bed trying to put his mind at ease, he remembered his new assignment for the first time since he left Tony's side. That was a new kind of stressor to introduce into his day. He had almost no time left to sleep but he couldn't help wondering if Clint would be able to show him how to consider this new possible Avenger. He didn't even know how to figure this out. Alexei seemed like a nice enough guy, sure, but was he a hero?

Steve never really picked an Avenger. All of them seemed to come to them, even the new ones. It wasn't so much a choice as a gathering of whoever was willing to help. Now that they had a team, accepting someone new who was so suddenly thrust into their lives was difficult to swallow. Up until now, Fury was the one accepting the new recruits, having evaluated Vision, Wanda, Sam and James himself.

Fury wanted it be Cap's job now. Steve certainly couldn't argue against it. The notion was rational. He knew what the team needed, what its weaknesses were. As a leader, he personally knew he could trust each of their team members. Maybe he would have preferred to be making the choice with Natasha, the other leader in their new group, but he knew why Fury didn't include her in this decision. Steve would be left to Clint's help. Hopefully, the bowman was more confident in this. They'd have a lot of work to do, especially considering how little they knew about Alexei outside of his recorded missions.

* * *

During training, Steve was noticeably quiet as he observed his team. Wanda's immediate progress was a relief, a small body of proof that Steve's decisions as a team leader did usually work out. Now that he'd figured out how to fix this one problem in her development, he felt like that was what he needed to keep his faith in his own leadership ability. He remembered high-fiving Wanda for learning so quickly, but he remembered little else as he attentively watched each team member's progress and reviewed their files. He knew that looking into the files got him some weird looks from Natasha, who clearly had no idea why he would think to do that.

After a while, he felt ready. As he was about to leave to pick up Clint, he took comfort in the fact that Natasha wouldn't hear about his arrival until after her interview with Alexei. For a moment, he wondered if it would be good to be upfront about their old team member's visit rather than letting her find out on her own time. Giving it a chance, he tested to see if she was willing to talk by asking about the interview. When she mentioned the Index, he realized she would probably be away for a while so he figured it would be better to just let Clint greet her himself.

Greeting Clint was probably the easiest part of his day. Albeit the smug and giggly look on the man's face upon seeing Captain was certainly worth forgetting if Steve meant for the rest of his day to be peaceful. He didn't answer any of his questions regarding the interview, instead switching the topic to Barton's family though they had to speak in code. As far as Steve could understand, Laura and the kids were okay.

They were having some mindless conversation when Steve realized Clint stopped following him.

"How bad is this guy? You seem nervous," he noted, watching the super-soldier carefully. He and Natasha were both strangely perceptive but Clint was always more blunt about it. Steve sighed out and glanced at the containment room holding Alexei before answering.

"He's not bad. I just don't know about welcoming a stranger into the ranks so quickly. I mean, he walked right in to our base. It could seem a little suspicious."

"Yeah, but that's why Fury sent us to figure it out. This'll be easy. Sometimes you just know. I've done this before."

"With Romanoff. I know, Fury told me."

"There's something very specific about a spited KGB agent. You can tell who they are because it's hard to fake that kind of anger and resentment. I learned that the easy way, until it cames to the Red Room graduates. He's probably nothing like that though, which is good for us. It's hard to undo that kind of training."

"Red Room?" Steve asked, cut off when they reached his holding cell. There was an agent there waiting to greet them.

"Shostakov went to his interview with Agent Romanoff, Fury sent me to escort you to the correct room."

"I thought that interview wasn't until later," Steve answered her as he followed, unsure if it was a good idea to sneak in.

"They're in there already. The doctors are still setting up so you can ask them when you get there. Fury thought it was important that you both attend the Indexing, that's all I know."

"It's probably so we have more to work with," Clint added. Hesitant, Steve nodded before entering the room hoping that the doctors would stop them. There was a loud click as the door inside the interview room closed, leaving him no way out as FitzSimmons had just entered and there was no one else left to argue how bad this idea was. Steve looked to Clint, wondering why he wasn't arguing against this. He was Natasha's first partner. He knew how important privacy was to her. How could Clint think this would be okay?

"You sure this is a good idea, Barton?" Steve checked, giving Natasha one last chance.

"No," he answered. He didn't even look Steve in the eyes when he answered but he could hear it in Clint's tone that he was both hesitant and also unmoved. He was going through with it anyway. "We need answers."

For Clint's sake, Steve didn't fight it. At the end of the day, their goal was to get this done as well and as quickly as possible so that Clint could go back to his free time. Finding out Clint was a family man changed a lot of the way Steve saw him. Now, he didn't just feel responsible to him, he felt responsible to his whole family. So long as he was away from them and working with the Avengers before the new team finished training, he would be in danger. Steve just wanted to get him home safely.

As the interview continued, Clint took notes, occasionally asking Steve to repeat something that Alexei said.

"Graduation ceremony?" Steve asked as soon as Alexei said it.

"The Red Room is this place where certain KGB agents go after training. It's where they're surgically enhanced with a list of experimental alterations and mind control to ensure their loyalty." Steve wanted to ask if that's what they did to Natasha but he knew through his shock that his question had already been answered.

 _"I almost forgot you don't know how much time has passed."_

"What does he mean by that?" Steve asked. Just as Clint began to explain, Alexei's words echoed through the microphone into their half of the room.

 _"You were born November 22nd, 1942."_ Though he himself went very still, he heard Clint heave in a deep breath and watched him write the note down in large letters on a new page in the file. Steve couldn't even think to take notes anymore, too wrapped up in the words that he couldn't imagine ever forgetting. There was no way Natasha could have been born so long ago. He turned to Barton waiting to see some kind of doubting expression, something to confirm his thoughts that Alexei was just making things up. Instead, he saw Barton doing the math, adding up numbers he seemed to be recalling from memory, as if he trying to figure out some kind of timeline. His face was so serious Steve realized that it could be true.

Startled out of his thoughts, he realized they were talking about him and the interview in the other room. He crossed his arms and listened carefully but soon enough his thoughts drifted off, wanting to do the math like Clint was. He couldn't understand how Clint could be so accepting of this information if Natasha's file said she was human rather than enhanced. She wasn't even on SHIELD's original Index. Thinking of Fury, he remembered there were ways of keeping information off of SHIELD's radar, like Barton's home.

Alexei cleared the interview just fine as far as the Avengers Initiative was concerned. At least, that was Clint's first note as the interview closed out. Steve agreed, but his thoughts were everywhere else. As Natasha came in through the door, he could hear Alexei's voice. Natasha's laugh was short-lived, having quieted the second she saw them.

* * *

"I didn't know you would be in town," she said immediately to Clint. She couldn't tell who seemed more uncomfortable, herself or Steve.

"Couldn't miss this opportunity. Your ex-husband shows up and you think I'm not going to get a call?" In wondering why he could possibly have been called in, not wanting to guess that Steve did it, Natasha took a second too long to answer so Alexei stepped in instead.

"Alexei, nice to meet you. Technically it's 'late husband'," he joked.

"Really milking the dead thing, huh?" Natasha said finally.

"Are you kidding? A real life chance to play zombie is something I'll take any day." Even though part of her wanted to think it was offensive he was making such a joke of something so important, she remembered they both functioned on a philosophy of making jokes out of the things in their life that bothered them most. She found herself laughing again. They were back to their old routine of making anything painful funny.

"Alexei, this is Agent Barton. He was the SHIELD agent that convinced me to defect way back." Clint was a lot more than that, but she wanted to keep something private after today. She felt very exposed suddenly, a trap she rarely ever found herself stuck in.

"Ah, the Hawkeye," he answered, shaking hands with the agent. Natasha pondered their code names for a minute to distract herself, wondering why they didn't just default to introducing themselves like that. She used to use her code name as Barton's partner. The change came when she began working with Steve, something about him made her begin to think code names felt a bit too artificial.

* * *

The rest of the day felt like a blur for Steve. He wasn't all there for most of it trying to process how there could be not only one but two more enhanced in the building, one of whom he had been working with for years. Natasha was as shocked as they were, possibly more shocked than Barton. He couldn't understand what the story was there.

Picking up his phone, he called in a favor from a friend.

"Hey Tony," he greeted when he heard someone pick up. "I've got a question for you. It might not sound like it but it's important."

* * *

At the Avengers Tower, Steve found a familiar face he didn't think he'd be seeing for a long time.

"Welcome back, Banner," he greeted, trying to sound pleased but unsure of what else to say. The doctor looked a little startled, probably from the news Tony gave him. If everyone's assumptions about his relationship with the spy were right, he couldn't blame him for being afraid for Natasha. He knew he certainly wasn't at peace with the news.

He got back a simple "thanks". Banner was never one for many words. Neither of them had much to say afterwards, probably because they were wondering the same thing. While Steve was wondering about Banner's involvement with Natasha and how that would affect his reaction to the news, Banner wondered the same about Natasha and Steve after the interview, figuring Steve must be similarly affected. Of course, neither of them spoke a word about their feelings.

Soon enough, Tony joined them with a small paper bag holding Steve's package.

"You found it?" Steve asked hopefully.

"Yup, two just like you asked. I hid the others too. Are you going to explain to me what it's for or are we just going to pretend you didn't ask?"

"You're smart, you'll figure it out," Steve answered before making up a chat with Banner that would let them leave on a less icy note before saying goodbye to both of them. He shared a look of understanding with Tony when Banner left their side, making it clear keeping Banner away from the Avengers' base for a while would be for the best.

* * *

Arriving at the base, Steve made a beeline for the Avengers Mansion. No one could stop him from delivering the good news. He realized all too late that it had become very dark out. Checking his watch, he noticed it was dinner time and worried that the team was likely looking for him. Upon arriving at the apartment, though, he noticed the place was deserted besides a figure he could just barely make out outside, standing at the balcony.

"Where is everyone?" he asked once he opened the door to join her.

"I told them to get lost," Natasha joked. "They wanted to go out for dinner and I skipped out. They were worried when you disappeared."

"What did you do?"

"I made something up. That's kind of in my nature," she said. He'd heard her say those exact words before but this time he knew she wasn't joking around.

"Had a good day?" he asked sarcastically.

"The best," she answered in turn.

"Follow me, I've got something that will cheer us both up." She wasn't in the mood, of course, but she listened anyway. He didn't know why she was giving him this chance. They reached the full bar in the apartment and Steve took out two shot glasses. Natasha watched him with a skeptical look.

"I can't drink, Steve. The bars, remember? It won't work," she reminded him. "I thought you couldn't either."

"No, but I called Tony." He took out the two vials and showed them to Natasha. She recognized them immediately. They contained the Asgardian drink that Thor brought during his trip. "We had leftovers." Natasha took the first full glass when he handed it to her.

"If these don't work, nothing will."

"I'm sure we'll find a way to convince Tony to invent something if this doesn't work. He'd do anything to beat Asgard at something," he answered as he finished pouring his own drink.

"Bottoms up, old man," she prompted before they clinked glasses. It was good to know the old jokes weren't going to be dropped in light of Alexei's confession. He would have to come up with a few for her so he'd have a good comeback. They both put the glasses to their lips and tipped their heads back, drinking at the same time. As if on cue, in the time it took them to lift their heads and look back at each other, the effect hit before they could even claim that it didn't work.

It was strong and immediate, like they'd transitioned from sober to buzzed in a matter of seconds. Steve was the first to break the pained silence.

"Shit," he sighed out first before chuckling and trying to brave through as the feeling coursed. Natasha seemed just as pained but stayed silent until the wave was over. Suddenly, she was laughing and he couldn't help but wonder if it'd worked too well on her, but the first words out of her mouth made it clear she was fine.

"Language, Rogers!" she teased giddily as if she'd been waiting an eternity for a chance to rehash the tired joke.

"Shut up, Romanoff." He was going to regret this peace offering later.

* * *

 _I really want to take a second and thank my reviewers from the last chapter! You've been a huge motivation and really helped me get through a bit of writer's block I had going there. I would love to hear what everyone thinks about Steve's POV this time around. Please review!_


	16. Confessions Part 2

They were both slap happy drinkers. They realized this about each other just minutes later. Natasha couldn't help but try to keep a conversation going so it would seem less like they were just laughing at air.

"Say something." That was the extent of her creativity at the moment.

"Today was so weird," he spat out.

"You're telling me. I just found out I'm seventy."

"Seventy-two," Steve corrected, earning him a glare. "I was just being honest."

"That's enough out of you," she joked. In a minute's silence, she couldn't help but muse on the subject. It was only moments later that the team walked in with bags of leftovers. "Tell me someone brought me steak," Natasha requested, looking for a sign of recognition. "I am starving."

* * *

Looking between the two of them, the team could tell something was different but said nothing. They talked to the two leaders as they ate, either discussing whatever they were watching on TV now or their time at dinner together.

"Okay, you both reek of booze. What's going on? I thought you couldn't get drunk," Rhodey said finally after the curiosity became too much. They were acting way too giddy for their tired faces. Natasha wondered briefly why they knew about her before recalling that she'd bragged about finishing the new bottle of tequila. The team had been pretty upset with her for it, she could only ever figure they were saving it for something so she had to offer to buy it again to get back in their good graces. She still didn't know what was so important about the bottle when their bar was unreasonably full this week. The more she thought about it, it seemed a lot more full than it had been when they moved in. Why did they have all of those drinks?

After she recognized the long silence, she spoke up first. "We'll have to send a thank you note to the Asgardians," she stated in reply, noticing Steve wasn't going to answer him, too distracted by the television. She knew her explanation wasn't good either but she would rather something stay a secret today anyway. This was probably the best mood she'd been in since the week started.

* * *

It was at the end of the night that Sam mentioned seeing Banner at the Avengers Tower.

"Why did you stop at the tower?" Steve asked, clearly trying to shift focus.

"Tony called me," Rhodey explained. "He wanted us to see something new he was working on." Steve didn't want to imagine that it was just a clever way of trying to trick Natasha into going to the tower instead of inviting himself to the base, but he knew better than to underestimate the man's determination in minding everyone else's business.

"We never got to see the experiment but Banner was there." Having been quiet through the whole conversation, Natasha feigned genuine interest.

"Yeah, we heard he made it. How is he?" she asked, hoping whoever answered would keep it short.

"Not well," Vision answered. "Distracted."

"Maybe we should all head to bed." Turning their heads to see who had so suddenly made the suggestion, they were all surprised upon realizing it was Wanda who made the call. She seemed unsure. "It's past midnight and I doubt they'll be easy on us in training if they're hungover tomorrow."

"We don't have training tomorrow," Rhodey reminded her of the plans the men and women had made separately on their day off.

"Oh hey! That's tomorrow. I almost forgot too," Sam answered. "I can't believe you two picked today of all days to get drunk."

"We are not drunk," Natasha argued. Though she knew for sure that fact wouldn't save them from a hangover. They did technically use alien booze. Who knew what the side effects were besides that tall blonde oaf who'd left Earth weeks ago? No one.

"Wanda's right. We have a long day tomorrow," Steve agreed suddenly, prompting the team to pick up and go off in their separate ways. Once they were all out of earshot, Natasha turned to Steve.

"Why do you think she did that?" Natasha asked, unsure of Wanda's intentions.

"She probably noticed how quiet you got when they mentioned Banner," he explained carefully. She didn't say anything, only lowered her eyes. He suddenly couldn't help his curiosity, wanting nothing more than to ask about how she felt about Banner being back. It was cruel of Tony to try and lure her in like that. He didn't even know what to do to stop the man now. Still, his mind stayed occupied in thoughts of the truth behind the relationship between his two teammates.

"Just ask," she answered, reading his mind as always. Steve clearly wasn't prepared, so he just asked in the phrasing that came to mind.

"What happened to you and Banner? Why do you both seem so upset all the time?" Hearing his choice of words, he wanted to take them back all too late.

"You've seen him then," Natasha noted, not wanting to think of the sting she felt hearing that Banner was noticeably upset. "Were you even thinking of telling me?"

"Honestly? No," he told her, making her look back at him. "You just clam up any time you hear his name. I wouldn't inflict that on you just to tell you he's in town already." Her first instinct was to go on the defense, but she knew he was right so she let it go. She grimaced and shrugged, debating how much it would cost her to ignore him but eventually realizing it was normal to talk to your friends about a failed relationship. It went against her every instinct but she decided to answer his question.

"The two of us were planning on running away together when we were all hiding at Clint's. It was my idea. I guess we just didn't want to keep fighting." She paused, trying to recall the events in order correctly even though she had pushed away the memory for so long. "When I got kidnapped, I realized I wanted to stay with the team. When he came to get me, he planned on running and I made him turn into the Hulk so we could help. In a moment of selective optimism, I guess I was hoping he'd forgive me later. Of course, he couldn't," she concluded. He didn't say anything so she just continued. "Really, it was my fault. That's actually why I'm not mad, I'm just upset. I know I was the one who betrayed him. I guess I was just realizing we both wanted very different things." Thinking back to the lie she told Steve, she frowned. "It was cruel of Tony to tell him about my secret." It wasn't right to tell Steve the truth yet. Maybe it was the drink talking, but she wanted to come clean and had to use all of her will at the moment to keep from blurting it out. She couldn't just spring that on him.

There was a long silence between them before Steve finally spoke up.

"As long as we're making confessions, Barton's here because Fury is having us evaluate Alexei as a recruit for the team." Natasha closed her eyes as the words echoed in her head. She tried to figure out a way to make them mean something completely different as to what he was actually saying. Today was certainly going up in the list of the strangest days she'd ever had in her apparently very very long life.

"Well, that's comforting," she answered him sarcastically. After a moment, she decided it was best to call the day quits before anything else happened. "I think that's about all of the excitement I can take for one day. I'm going to go have vivid nightmares for eight hours. Good night, gramps."

He decided then he was really going to have to speed it up on the old jokes if he ever hoped to have a good comeback.

* * *

Short, I know. I just wanted to get an update done today with the remainder of their night so I could start the new day in the next chapter. It's going to be a looooong day for them. Please review! Special thanks to my reviewers last chapter.


	17. Isolation

_A/N: So I kind of disappeared there, sorry. I'm starting a summer session this week so I had to worry about moving in and getting ready and all. The stress kind of short circuited my muse. Luckily, now I'm moved in and the muse is back but since the next chapter was supposed to be big and all I didn't want to rush out a product._

 _Luckily, I've had a lot of muse to explore Alexei's narrative so I thought I'd introduce the team's big day with a short chapter from him. I hope you like it._

* * *

He felt like an alien as far as the way the agents were treating him. They were nice enough. Some of them seemed cold, but he figured that they were mostly just built that way. Sometimes, if he was lucky, he'd get one of the younger agents to crack a smile at a joke he told and things would lighten up for him.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case when it came to Nick Fury.

No one ever explained anything to Alexei here. Random people in uniform would constantly come up to him with questions or commands. Sometimes, they didn't even introduce themselves. They were all very cautious with him, like he could change his friendly demeanor at any moment. He figured they were all just trying to figure out if he was a threat. He supposed he wasn't making it easy for them but in truth, that was just his personality. He was never one for giving straight answers to questions, no matter how serious they were. The closest he got was in Natasha's interrogation.

He missed the people in that room. They were significantly less cold. Noticeably, they also explained the interrogation to him, as well as the concept of their Index. They went out of their way to make him feel less like an experiment. Still, after they indexed him, life at the Avengers base went back to the way it was, with him having to sneak conversations out of passer-bys to get any company.

It almost didn't surprise him when he was stuck in a conference room so suddenly with Clint Barton, doctors, agents and scientists he'd met over the past few days. Everyone at the table except this man with a cool-looking eyepatch was recognizable to Alexei. He looked around and he couldn't find the two funny doctors or Natalia anywhere.

Walking in, it was like he was interrupting something. He'd had an agent escort him all the way to the room, yet it was as if he wasn't wanted when he arrived. He took a seat where instructed and the doctors stopped reading their papers out to the eyepatch man, who then turned his gaze to the new arrival. Alexei felt the need to sink a little lower in his chair when that stare was aimed his way.

How anyone could pack such a powerful glare with only one eye, Alexei wasn't sure he'd ever want to find out.

There was a full minute of silence as the same man looked between Alexei and his papers before he suddenly went "Fine." and left the room with Barton at his side.

Confused, Alexei just stared at the relieved faces of the agents in the room, waiting for someone to tell him what the hell that was about. Handing himself over to the good guys was proving to be less comforting than he thought. He supposed he had his own reasons for being here, though, not that he could share them.

Getting up and escorting himself out, to the surprise of many in the room, Alexei decided enough was enough and he preferred his lonely containment room to being surrounded by people who seemed to constantly forget he was there. Asking around, he got the supplies he needed for his latest project. He had managed to find one of the nicer doctors who had interviewed him with Natasha. The guy seemed to be in a rush, but he'd stopped to help the man all the same. Alexei's request was reasonable, anyway. All he wanted was a pen and blank notebook. Fitz was able to supply him with both in minutes.

"You look stressed," Alexei noted aloud after thanking him.

"Long day ahead and I've got to stop by the medical inventory before it starts."

"Sounds rough. I hope it's a good day though," he answered with a smile before letting him get back to his work. Fitz was the best, he thought to himself as he opened the notebook and started penning down his thoughts.

The notebook was possibly his best idea yet. With all of this information coming at him so fast, he had too many thoughts running through his head. He knew he had left Natasha with a shock when it came to telling her the truth about their shared history. He couldn't believe what the organization had stolen from her. He kept recalling details he supposed she must have forgotten, so this gave him a chance to get the thoughts out and maybe help her a little.

Slowly, he wrote his thoughts out in vivid detail hoping that it would trigger a memory or two if she ever read it.

When he'd nearly filled a quarter of the journal, he realized the time and remembered he needed to find someone to order him lunch. This place was terribly strange in the way they handled him. He appreciated their efforts in keeping him from being treated like a prisoner but it just left him in an awkward position. They didn't trust him, but they didn't seem too suspicious of him yet.

Still, he'd handled worse.

Fortunately, this boring trip was interrupted. Unfortunately, it was interrupted by Tony Stark who had come up to him asking about Natalia. He would have to get used to hearing her name being said so differently here.

"It's early, I don't think they leave the apartment until later usually," he answered, referring to the Avengers team.

"Right, thanks Alexei." Tony had looked at him as though this interaction could become disastrous. Glancing at the man next to the billionaire, Alexei stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

"Alexei Shostakov," he said before smiling kindly at the shy-looking man.

"Bruce Banner." The man seemed nice enough.

"Your name sounds familiar." After a second and upon seeing the man's reaction, he realized why. The Hulk.

"Probably his research," Tony excused. To be nice, Alexei played along. The man seemed more than happy to kid with them. He called Alexei an agent and the man shook his head before correcting him.

"Not an agent, just a guest," he explained.

"Oh really?" Banner asked, to Tony's clear disappointment. Tony whispered something to the doctor and Alexei could see in a flash his demeanor changed. "Oh, right. Natasha's- yes." He clearly didn't know he existed but he seemed to be taking that more personally than the others. He wasn't curious at all, he seemed startled by it, and clearly displeased.

On that note, when Tony mentioned heading up to the Avengers Mansion, Alexei decided it was about time he try to get some answers and made an excuse to go with them.

"I was just heading up myself," he answered casually, following the men into the elevator and hoping that this wasn't going to end in any disaster. The way Banner stared at him made him sure there was some backstory he was missing here and he was getting sick of the mystery surrounding this base.


	18. I am coming back for good

Hey everybody,

I didn't mean to abandon this story but that is what happened. Every time I tried to come back, I reread old chapters and didn't agree with the organization, so I felt like I couldn't come back to this story.

I do, however, remember everything I was getting at. I have outlined a new plan and I can fix this story without necessarily taking out anything that was in the old story, especially nothing that was a fan favorite.

I'm sorry for disappearing and I'm sorry that there will have to be changes to some of the story but hopefully someone's happy that I'll get back to this at all. I've missed updating this.

I am many chapters deep into another fic (Spider-Man: Homecoming) that has had me updating every few days on many different sites, so I feel like I'm anchored to my word this time about coming back (especially considering I'm planning a crossover). Feel free to PM, review, etc if you have any questions or want to yell at me. I have a tumblr going up on my profile that will have updates regarding my fics where I'm even more accessible if you want to bug me. :)

I would personally like to thank anyone who yelled at me in PM about not updating because realistically you got results and I respect that. Thank you for the kick in the ass I needed.

Best,

Ally/Lilly


End file.
